10/30/2026
💜 October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And there's a part of surviving domestic violence that people don't talk about enough.
I proudly support domestic violence awareness because I'm a survivor myself.
But what happens when you leave your abuser and you share a child with them?
What happens when leaving the relationship doesn't mean leaving the abuse behind?
Sometimes, the abuse continues for YEARS through custody battles, court filings, police calls, false narratives, and accusations that force you to defend yourself over and over again.
You spend years trying to prove what you know to be true while someone who knows exactly how to push your buttons keeps finding new ways to make you look like the problem.
And sometimes, the hardest part isn't even the abuse itself. It's realizing that the very reactions caused by that abuse are being used against you.
If there's one thing I could tell anyone experiencing domestic violence, especially when children are involved, it's this: DOC👏U👏MENT. EVERYTHING.
Every incident. Every police report. Every concerning message. Every CPS investigation, finding, and recommendation. Every court filing. Every piece of evidence that helps establish a timeline.
Save the messages. Keep copies. Write down dates. Preserve the records.
I learned that lesson the hard way.
When you're in survival mode, you don't always think about evidence. You're trying to get through the day, protect your peace, protect your children, and make sense of what is happening to you.
I wish I'd documented more from the beginning.
But sometimes, the documentation you need doesn't come only from your own experience.
Sometimes, the very people who come after you end up creating a record of the behavior you've spent years trying to explain.
Sometimes, the police reports, the repeated calls for help, the statements made by people still inside the relationship, and the timeline of events begin telling a story that no single accusation can erase.
And sometimes, the person who once made you feel like you were crazy for recognizing a pattern is repeating that same pattern with someone else.
Read that again.
Yes... I'm talking to you 🫵
Because one of the hardest things to accept about an abusive relationship is that you were never necessarily the exception. You may have been experiencing a cycle that existed long before you and continued long after you left.
The names, the circumstances, and the relationships may change. The patterns often don't.
And if you're the person currently living through it, you might not see it yet. I know I didn't see everything clearly when I was in it.
Maybe you've started noticing that your partner's ex is always being blamed for something.
Maybe every story about their past relationship somehow makes the other person sound unstable, crazy, vindictive, or incapable of telling the truth.
Maybe you're the one calling the police because of what happens behind closed doors. Maybe you're documenting the erratic behavior, the violence, the substance use, or the things that happen when nobody else is around.
And maybe, without realizing it, you're creating a record of the very patterns someone else has been trying to tell you about.
I'm not saying every situation is the same. I'm saying that patterns deserve to be examined, and that the truth doesn't change just because the people involved change.
If you've left an abusive relationship and share a child with your abuser, please hear me when I say this:
The years that follow can be exhausting.
The accusations can become relentless. You can find yourself defending your character, your parenting, your mental health, and your reality to people who have never lived a single day inside your relationship.
You may shut down in court. You may struggle to find the words. You may agree to things you don't believe are right simply because you're emotionally exhausted and want the conflict to stop.
That doesn't automatically make the accusations true. And it doesn't mean your experience didn't happen.
Abuse can condition you to second-guess yourself. It can teach you to anticipate conflict before it happens. It can make you feel like you're always doing something wrong, even when you're simply existing.
So ask yourself:
💜 Before this relationship, did the people who truly knew you describe you the way your partner does now?
💜 When your partner comes home, do you feel happy to see them, or do you immediately start walking on eggshells?
💜 Can you leave the house, get a coffee, see your friends, or visit your family without having to explain yourself, seek permission, or prepare for an argument?
💜 Are you expected to share your location, account for your movements, and explain who you're with and when you'll be home?
💜 Have you started questioning your own memory, judgment, or mental health because you've heard so many times that something is wrong with you?
💜 Are you constantly being told that you need help, need medication, or need to change, while the behavior causing you distress is never honestly addressed?
And if you have children together, ask yourself one more question:
What happens when the relationship ends, but the control doesn't?
Because domestic violence doesn't always end when someone walks out the door. Sometimes, it follows them into courtrooms, custody exchanges, police reports, and years of trying to protect their relationship with their children.
And sometimes, the evidence that eventually helps expose a pattern has been accumulating for years.
A judge may never have witnessed what happened behind closed doors. That's why accurate, chronological documentation can matter so much. Police reports, messages, court records, and other relevant evidence can help establish context that individual allegations cannot show on their own.
No single report tells an entire story. No single allegation proves a pattern. But when events are documented over time, the timeline matters.
Five years of records can tell a very different story than one person's version of five years.
If you're trying to leave, have already left, or are still trying to understand what you're living through, please don't wait until you're in court to start keeping records.
And if you're the person currently in the relationship, reading this and feeling something click into place, you don't have to figure everything out today. You don't have to defend anyone, confront anyone, or make a decision before you're ready.
Just allow yourself to ask questions. Pay attention to patterns. Trust yourself enough to seek support.
And if you're the survivor on the other side, still fighting to be heard, still fighting for your children, and still trying to put the pieces of your life back together, I see you.
You are not crazy for wanting the truth acknowledged. You are not weak because the process has exhausted you. And you are not alone because someone has convinced the world that you're the problem.
Document the behavior. Preserve the truth. Protect your peace. And never underestimate what a complete timeline can reveal. 💜
If you need help, domestic violence resources, or just someone to talk to please contact The domestic violence hotline at:
📞1-800-799-7233
or reach out to us directly and we can help you with local dv resources 💜
I may just be the owner of a small photography business, but our businesses mission is based on community support and advocacy.
You are not alone, you do matter, you are believed, and there's millions of us just like me who will stand beside you!
