04/09/2021
This is a vulnerable post. For people that actually know me they are going to be shocked. I have not posted for 16 months. Last winter I allowed something to happen to me. I’m not a victim. I allowed it. I allowed someone to make me feel not good enough. I allowed someone to keep me a secret. I allowed someone to treat me in a way that made me feel horrible about myself. I allowed someone to make me feel less than. Constantly questioning myself and why I wasn’t worth it. I didn’t realize the deep damage it caused me. I didn’t realize the hurt I was hiding. I was ashamed to look in the mirror. I began to hate myself. I started to believe that there was something wrong with me and that I was hard to love and unworthy of love. I started to tell myself those things. Having someone keep you a secret. Having someone that doesn’t want to be seen with you. Being lied to. Always questioning myself and my worth and what was wrong with me. I am now surrounded by a group of women who constantly hype me up. Who are my biggest fans. Who make me feel happy and beautiful on days I look ratchet. Who see me for who and what I am on the inside. Who literally text and call me daily. Who leave me notes and bring me flowers. Who constantly remind me what a bad bitch I am. Who never ever let me go a single day feeling anything less than my best. I couldn’t be more grateful. I have no freaking clue how I got so lucky. But I will no longer allow myself to be stifled. I will not be ashamed to post something about myself and be told how embarrassed I should be and how stupid it is to express myself because of their insecurities and how they felt threatened by me. I will be and do what I want when I want and never again allow anyone to make me feel ashamed of that. I’m still healing from the damage it caused and the wound it left. But I’m at least aware of what was happening and why I was silent for over a year. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by anyone. Let alone someone who doesn’t respect honor encourage and empower your voice individuality talents and passions. Surround yourself with people that want to see you smile and be happy.