02/20/2022
I’m sure that some of you have noticed how quiet I’ve been on here lately. The truth of the matter is that this year has been life changing for me. When I first started photography, I did so as a way to be home with my children. I’ve always been creative at heart and I picked up the shooting and editing pretty fast. In just a few years I built, in my opinion, quite the successful business. But while my business may have been thriving, I was not. Anyone close to me knows that I’m a huge introvert and I loathe technology. I would seriously never carry my phone if I could get away with it. And what most people don’t realize about photographers is that they only spend about 10% of their time shooting. Most of our time is spent in editing, client meetings, answering E-mails, marketing etc.
Eventually, having to sit behind my computer for hours on end and being constantly surrounded by new people began to take its toll on me. I started to dread answering emails and became increasingly anxious. And then I got pregnant and took my maternity leave. I had every intention of coming back to photography. And while I am so thankful that we were given a healthy baby boy, our delivery went nothing as planned. After a pretty traumatic hospital stay, the normal struggles of life with a newborn (postpartum healing, hormone changes, lack of sleep, etc) AND a colicky baby to top it off… I was left feeling like a shell of myself. When it came time to return back to work I realized that I wasn’t happy. But I felt guilty. So many moms would die for the chance to have their own business that allowed them to stay home with their baby. And here I was dreading it. So I went back. I told myself if I scaled back I would be happier. I stopped booking weddings and took on just a couple of photo sessions a month. But I soon realized that my heart just wasn’t in it.
I prayed and prayed for clarity and what to do with my future. I felt so lost. And then one day a random conversation with a dear friend sent me straight back to a moment in time two summers ago. Covid had just hit and there was no social gathering, let alone families or a wedding to photograph. The reality, of not being able to work indefinitely, should have filled me with fear and anxiety- but the exact opposite happened. I had my husband till up the front pasture and grew a giant field of cut flowers. I spent the summer selling those flowers at the roadside farm stand and filling my home with the most beautiful arrangements. I truly have never felt happier. I think that being outside healed me. Being able to spend my days in the open air, with my hands in the dirt and surrounded by so much beauty was literally a dream come true.
I am so excited to say that I will be growing local flowers that aren’t shipped from overseas and pumped full of chemical preservatives and pesticides. Flowers that you’ve never seen at your local grocery store or florist before. Flowers that don’t just look good but ARE good.. for your soul, for the bees, the local community. What I’ve finally come to realize is that I don’t want to live my life chasing someone else’s dreams. Photography is wonderful, yes. It’s creative freedom, independence, financial stability.. but it’s not MY passion. And that’s okay. Some will think me foolish, won’t take me seriously or call me unrealistic. Those voices would have crippled me before. But thanks to what I’ve learned through photography, a tough year and just plain time… I’ve grown stronger. I can hear my own voice now. I know that I am brave, I am passionate and I work hard for what I want. And I’m ready to choose my dream.
Despite my excitement for the future of our flower farm, it is hard for me to close this chapter. While I will not miss some aspects of photography.. I will miss the special connections I’ve made. The children I have photographed since before they were born. The special moments I’ve shared with a bride on her wedding day. You are one of the reasons I have stuck around for so long. I have been truly blessed to be have met so many wonderful families and couples along the way. I will forever be thankful for your support and kindness.
I do still have a few special brides that I get to finish the year off with. Know that I am still so excited for your big day and am there for you 100%. There is a peace that has come with following my dreams… and I truly believe I am a better spouse/mother/friend/photographer for it.
With all of that said, I will not be booking any new portrait sessions or weddings at this time. I am so thankful that you’ve followed my photography for all these years. If you would like to follow along on our new adventure.. be sure to like our Rainy Day Flower Farm page.
