04/10/2026
“What deserves my attention?” It’s this very moment in my life.
I don’t really know how or why this happens, but I am sitting here, just overwhelmed and exhausted, & equally feeling alive. I know I am fine. Nothing bad has happened, in fact, something great has happened - my photographs were critiqued by the incredible & inspiring Erwin Darmali • STORIES for Foundation Workshops . The critique was so much to process & I think that is it – processing is a lot for me, especially because the couples I photograph are so special to me & what I deliver matters to me, & I just want to deliver photographs that I am proud of. It is personal to me because it is one of the few things in my life that I love deeply – memorializing moments.
Everything Erwin said resonated and I have this incredible ability to just not show much emotion, but I promise you, I am really feeling it. And while I felt calm & focused during the critique, I was processing a lot in my brain. And quite honestly, processing seems a lot like feeling. Maybe they are the same for me? So maybe that is why I could not hold back these tears. It could also be because my beautiful friend, Tammy Tischbein asked, “You good?” right after the critique ended. That question usually let’s me know how I am feeling – which is also why I tend to ask people NOT to ask me that question.
When the critique was over, I sat for a moment, stared blankly into the window in front of me, closed my eyes, & knew it was a moment for Fred Again.. to take over. I put the album “Secret Life” on, closed my eyes again, & truly was about to zone out, relax & choose to feel nothing because it felt heavy, & because that is what I do.
It is these personal things that feel so heavy for me, which at times make me feel selfish since items that seem to hang heavy for others tend not to do the same for me. Watching others feel, feeling others feel, feeling my own feelings (when I love, when I work, when I create) are the things that overwhelm me. Those are the feelings that hit me hard.
I know I am different in so many ways. I notice when I talk to people, they don’t understand me & I know I'm different because...(continued In comments)
