08/30/2026
I finally have a moment to share a total bucket list moment I got to experience. It truly meant so much more than I expected, just because of how deeply this artist spoke to me through her music.
Back multiple years ago, I was struggling through one of the darkest times in my life. A brutal divorce from my kids’ dad, a body that was so broken from years of trauma and a tumultuous marriage, and feeling so incredibly lost in this new life I was living where I had to say goodbye to my kids every other weekend. I’ve always been an extremely present mom that participated in everything my kids did. I didn’t know how in the world I’d make it through those days where my kids weren’t with me.
At the same time, I had the spine of a 90 year old due to years of abuse, I couldn’t use my right leg anymore, and I was preparing for a MAJOR double spinal surgery that I had no idea would completely change my life in the worst way possible. I was broken. I truly didn’t believe I’d make it through. This was not supposed to be the way my life was at 34 years old.
It’s so hard to be so transparent because there’s a huge stigma around suicidal ideation… but I’ve always promised to be genuine and real. So here we are. There were multiple point in my life, post divorce, where I seriously considered ending my own life. This was one.
My kids were gone. I remember sitting there with my best friend, on her couch. And she knew. She always knew even when I said no words. She flipped open Facebook, and this song I’d never heard before came on. It was called “Honest”.
If you know me well, you know God speaks to me through music and this was no exception. Through my darkest times, my car stereo would start flipping through my Spotify and play songs that were so deeply connected to my life in the moment. And it never lets me flip from the song, until it plays all the way through. My best friend can attest how this happens, even to this day.
The lyrics were absolutely everything I was feeling so deeply in my heart at the time. It was like this artist HEARD me. She saw me. She knew deeply the agony I was feeling. Because she wrote a whole song about it. I had planned to take my life that night. But, that song. That song reached into the depths of my soul and I just knew I was supposed to hang on just a little longer.
I went through that surgery. I could walk again. But something was wrong. I knew something was seriously wrong. It wasn’t long before I was fighting for my life in Septic Shock. A 6% chance of survival. A BP of 40/30 and Resting HR in the 200s. By all intents and purposes, it was unexplainable how I was still conscious and walked into the ER that night. But, I almost didn’t walk out. I went unresponsive 3 different times and each time, they got me back.
Through that time, I reached for that song. I played that song daily. I knew I had such a long road ahead. But I knew I needed to fight hard. That song, once again, pulled me through a month in the hospital and weeks of recovery (with a PICC line in my arm) that would lie ahead of me. Constantly, listening to that song.
Then.. I got to go home and just weeks later, my second husband left me and never looked back. I was struggling. I was different. Everything about me, changed. Sepsis affected everything about me, physically, mentally, emotionally. You don’t come that close to dying and come out the same. You are never ever the same. And he wasn’t willing to sit with me through it.
Again, that time was dark. Super super dark. I look back at so many of these moments and don’t know how I made it through. I will forever suffer the consequences of surviving something that I shouldn’t have survived. But the song “Honest” (amongst other new songs she’s released that have touched my heart in very similar ways) is one that I reach to anytime things feel so dark, I don’t know how I’ll make through.
When Kyndal Inskeep made American Idol, I felt like I needed to support her in the way she supported me (despite her having zero idea she saved me through many dark times). I was all in. Voting every single week, voting from my phone, my kids phones, having family vote. When she was voted off, I was mindblown. It isn’t just her lyrics that drew me in… she’s one of the most talented artists I’ve ever followed. Immediately after she was booted from American Idol, I was looking up future shows and hoping she’d play locally since she lived here. At that time, none were listed.
Weeks later, my best friend turned to me and told me to grab my phone. I didn’t know why. Then she told me to go to her website and get ready to fight for tickets. I had no idea she was releasing dates for her live tour. We both battled with the site and were totally losing. Then.. it happened… Leslie got the tickets to go through. Knowing just how much this artist meant to me, she also added the Meet and Greet tickets for us!
Fast forward to the show… I kept feeling this urge to bring my camera and just try to see if they’d allow me to take pictures. I figured, if nothing else, we could use it for the meet and greet and then throw it in the car after. I had already accepted that it was highly likely I’d be asked to put it away for the show.
When we got there, Leslie asked a crew member about my camera. The man said he’d go back and ask and see if it’d be okay. He came back and said “she told me that you can go for it and take pictures. I can’t wait to see how they turn out!”. There are no words for my excitement. It sounds so dumb, but this was absolutely everything and more.
It was our turn to go up and meet her. And I told her a, very shortened, version of how her song touched my life. She gave me the biggest hug and told me she was proud of me and so glad I chose to stay. And then I talked to her about pictures. She was truly the kindest, most genuine artist I’ve ever met. She gave me her info to send the edited, final gallery when I was done. It all seemed so surreal. And then.. we got our spots. Directly in front of the stage.
These are some of the shots I got at her show at Riverside Revival in Nashville.
If you feel like no one else sees you, no one else hears you… if you feel so alone in a crowd surrounded by people. You are not alone. Hang on just a little bit longer. And listen to the song “Honest” by Kyndal Inskeep. ❤️
🎶 Every time I walk out of the house
Put on another face
Just to blend in with the crowd
So nobody sees me
You would never believe me
I tell you that I'm whole, but I'm still healing
I tell you that I'm happy, but I'm grieving
Thought I was a fighter
I'm still in the fire (Fire)
But if I'm being honest
I'm not being honest
I'll give you roses just hopin' you don't see the weeds in my garden
If I'm being honest
I'm at my darkest
I'm sitting here waitin' and prayin' for someone to show me what love is
I'm just being honest 🎵
