05/10/2025
Mother’s Day.
“a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”
About a week before the day every year I start to feel it- that ache, deep within. Nervous anticipation of the day that reminds me that I am a mother to more. I try to avoid it every year, and focus on the sweet things in my life, but the feelings always come out. And really, they deserve to. It is a day for celebration, and also a day, for many, that holds deep grief. I am one of those many- I am a mother who’s heart holds space for the pitter patter of tiny footsteps that will never trail behind hers in this lifetime.
“Why not just focus on the blessing you have?” people ask. Yes, my son. My greatest joy. How lucky am I to hold this precious child and bear witness to him becoming who he is meant to be? To run my fingers through his curls, cradle his face against my chest. To know him, to embrace him, to get to look into his beautiful eyes and see them light up looking back at me. A child so full of life it spills over into every detail of mine. My greatest blessing. My greatest joy. My gratitude for him cannot be put into words. And yet, this doesn’t change the fact that my womb has held 3 more that my arms have never felt the weight of.
It can be hard to balance all these thoughts and feelings. To celebrate and to grieve. To be present for the child I’ve been blessed with, and to wonder about the ones I didn’t get to meet. It’s hard to make sense of it all sometimes. And yet-
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Hope in Him is something I have fought hard for. It doesn’t always come easily; sometimes I need reminding. But He is faithful to remind- through the gentle whisper of His word, a text from a friend, the knowing smile or lingering squeeze from a lady at church. Kind prayers spoken over me, in love. The washing of my wounds with His voice that is like a thousand waters. For He is Faithful and True, and every word from His mouth can be trusted. I may not understand, but I know that He will make everything beautiful in its time…I’ve seen glimpses of it already. 💛
And so, I hope. And my hope for anyone else walking through something similar is that they too would experience that hope- that they would find that peace which feels impossible, and experience the overwhelming love and kindness He has for them when they feel broken, alone, and overwhelmed by grief or fear. We have a God who not only steps into those dark places- he transforms them. And He has beauty for you, too.
“Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.”
Job 42:1-3
