11/05/2026
Pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt, anxiety unlike I’ve ever had, quiet unlike anything I would want, and loneliness unlike ever been through. I’ve sold a motorcycle that had so much sentimental value to me that I thought I’d never sell to pay for attorney fees I shouldn’t even have, all to have it totaled and almost die on it on the last ride I took, to the sheriffs substation tk be served a protective order saying I couldn’t see my wife or daughters, ending the year in 3x as much debt as I started it with, having watched my marriage Dissolve, my family slowly fall apart, and my partner that I didn’t marry to live with I married her cause I thought I couldn’t live without her.. in the last two weeks my life has literally unraveled before my eyes, I almost died, I feel like I’m on deaths door, and I wish I would’ve died… but here I am.. wondering what it is god is building me up for.. I understand that he’s always good and if I can just withstand the storm, the fruits probably would be unlike any I’ve had.. I know the blessings that would have to come after surviving a storm like this.. but as I limp around, all alone, wondering if anyone cares, misses me or if most of everyone is feeling relief from not having the burden that I am.. I honestly don’t know what to do.. but I can’t do it much longer.. I am missing so much sleep, I can’t think, my head is so messed up I think that’s why I couldn’t save my self when that kid came into my lane.. if it was any other me I would made magic happen.. but all I could do was think this is going to hurt.. and lay there in the road bruised and battered.. trying to tell the sheriff and the first responders who to call.. saddest part.. I wanted to say my wife.. or someone in my family.. but I don’t think anyone wanted to have to deal with it.. with me.. with the burden that I am and always have been.. laying there in extreme pain, just wishing it would’ve just killed me…. I’d happily give my life to someone so they could live again.. cause I feel I’ve only put extra weight on people by my being here.. and I am tired of not being able to sleep, rest, or feel wanted or loved..
