10/09/2020
it’s friday baby!!! and it also happens to me ⠀
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i had my first panic attack my senior year of high school, i remember thinking i was going to die. i couldn’t breathe and i felt as if i had left my body and was watching myself break down from the outside. i woke up every morning at 3 am, for the rest of that year, in a panic. ⠀
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the anxiety and depression got worse. i eventually developed an eating disorder. there were good periods and bad periods, but the good periods were always followed by tremendously difficult times. by the end of 2018, i saw myself hit rock bottom. i had stopped eating completely and weighed a total of 114 pounds, which might not sound crazy, but i had lost over 40 pounds in a matter of months. panic attacks became so invasive that i would miss entire stretches of work.⠀
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i tried so hard to make it through on my own. no therapy. not talking about it to anyone, not my family or my friends. but eventually, i had to take control of my life again. i sought out treatment - both therapy and psychiatry, i strengthened my yoga practice and so much more. the process is not easy. there are days when my mind feels like its back where it was at “rock bottom” — but its a journey. and its a commitment. to myself. every day is a new day, which presents its own challenges, but its my own journey. and one that i have slowly begun to embrace. my mental health does not make me weak. its just part of me. and that’s okay.
