11/30/2023
Closing the chapter.
When I first got my camera at the end of 2019, I was riddled with fear. Scared that I’d step on toes, scared I’d be terrible, scared it was another adhd fixation and I’d get bored - just scared. But I pushed forward, I got uncomfortable; and it’s the best thing I ever did. Photography has made me a stronger person. Before sessions I’d get so extremely sick to my stomach, every-single-time. But I kept pushing myself, I kept doing them. That feeling never really went away, but weddings were actually easier for me. I think I loved all the organized chaos, and not having this feeling of needing to “fill each moment”. Weddings are always filled with noise, movement, laughter and love. I LOVE shooting weddings, truly. I even love editing my favorite shots & delivering a gallery knowing I just captured one of the most important days of their lives. But what I haven’t loved is trying to fit it in into my schedule with a full time job. Putting down my work laptop just to crack open my personal one. And god forbid you decide to enjoy a night/day, then you’re left with this looming feeling of “I should be editing” hanging over you like a shadow in a dark room. Then I had my son, and man - I thought I had no time before, now it feels close to impossible. So here it is, the moment where I close the chapter. The time of reflection and admiration. I’m so proud of myself for these past four years. I’m proud I faced my fears time and time again. I’m proud I never gave up, even when I spent so much time comparing and crying to my husband. I’m proud that I finally got to a space where I felt this feeling of pride. I’ve loved every single one of my clients, and all of those who supported and believed in me. This has been a transformative period in my life. It’s so important to push yourself - get uncomfortable. After all, if we’re not uncomfortable, we’re not growing.
The pages are flipped but the book is not closed. I hope to still have some ties to photography in some way in future - probably just family and friends for now. I want to get back to just the enjoyment and love for it. So from the bottom of my heart, to those who still are there even in my quietness - thank you.