08/07/2025
Thoughts from the carpool line:
This transition to having the boys in school full time has been…hard, to say the least. To be honest, I’m a little caught off guard with how difficult (for me) it has been.
I remember naively thinking, “oh gosh, I’m going to be so thankful for all this extra time- I have a to do list a mile long & just think about how much time I’ll have to pour into my business & my clients!” I thought I was about to be given the gift of time, not realizing I was actually loosing it.
It’s been 3 weeks and honestly, I don’t even feel like the same person I was 3 weeks ago. I feel similarly to when I first stepped into infertility and realized “what? Everyone doesn’t just get pregnant right away?” It’s like some innocence has been stripped of me, that I can’t get back. It’s the start of a milestone of independence that I’m desperately not ready for.
But I had a sweet friend remind me yesterday to take my grief slow. That possibly the Lord was trying to reintroduce himself to me in a new quiet space. That possibly my nervous system needs a reset and allowance to breathe. Another friend offered a hope that I would find a soft spot to land in the midst of all of this.
In a hustle culture of “grin and bear it” or a past life season reminder of “you’re being too dramatic”, it’s helpful to be surrounded by people who create and hope for soft landing pads.
So today, I sat in my favorite chair that’s filled with down feathers & reminds me of my dad. I draped my legs over the side just like I’ve done since high school & I grabbed coffee, water, my pillow- all the things.
And I sat.
I fought off the thoughts of being lazy. I fought off the thoughts of “but you should be doing…” I fought off the thoughts of how I’m disappointing people.
And I sat.
I won’t always feel like this. I won’t always have the time to sit, but today I did and I’m thankful for the tangible “soft spot” as I work through and process this new season.
