12/28/2016
It was the summer of 2014. I had just returned from acting as a photojournalist in a Jerusalem in the midst of war. I split my time between work and my bed, where I curled up in my cocoon and read of the destruction and devastation in the place which I had left. I was depressed, despondent and uncertain of my role, my call, my place.
During this summer, I had a lot of time to reflect. To reflect on the past few years and reflect on myself, and I realized that I had been using my camera over the past few years as a sort of shield. A way to bear witness to, to document, to raise awareness of suffering. But also as a way to distance myself. Distance myself from both the suffering and resistance. And, maybe more importantly, to distance myself from myself. Although I acted as a photographer, I had not allowed for anyone to photograph me in two years. I wanted to play the role of seer, but I was terrified to be seen.
The summer of 2014 was, for me, a rediscovery of and climb back toward my own power. And I realized that that required giving myself permission to be witnessed, just as I am. Not in order to impress. Not in order to be beautiful. But simply to be. To be as I am--a body, mind and spirit wandering around on this earthly plane. This required validating and affirming all parts of myself.
So I had an idea. One day, I got home from work, grabbed my camera, and took my mom out into the Vermont outdoors. I set the settings on my camera just how I liked them, and I just asked her to shoot. Shoot pictures of me, in all my imperfection and unease and discomfort. To shoot myself with no barriers and no screen, To document me as me. And so we did.
It was not easy. I felt raw, exposed, vulnerable. I felt ego and vanity take hold. I felt feelings of too much, not enough, not right come up again and again. But, at the end of the day, I was glad I had done it. The end result mattered less than the fact that I had finally allowed myself to be seen as a body in this world. I felt power in being able to take my own image into my own hands.
I called this photo series Reclaiming Self.
Lately, I have been getting quite a few requests from people for headshots. However, the framing has mostly been that, yes, people need the shots professionally, but they want them more for themselves. As a way to reclaim their physicality. As a way to reclaim themselves.
I feel called to this work. Photography is not just about beauty or vanity or presentation. It is about power. It is about story. It is about self.
Therefore, in the New Year, I am going to be offering Reclaiming Self photo shoots. These shoots will involve guided self-exploration and discovery as we capture you as you. Who are you? Who is the person you want to be? Who is the person you need you to be? From where do you draw power? How do you want to be seen? What are your edges and what is needed to overcome them?
These shoots will be sliding scale $50-$300. Please give as you are willing able able. Feel free to email me at [email protected] for more information.
With gratitude, blessings and so much power,
Faryn
