Vern Bartley Photography

Vern Bartley Photography " I SHOOT ROCKS & WEEDS " My speciality is large format Fine Art Landscape Photography. Let me kno

I am a Master Certified Photographer who shoots rocks and weeds. I specialize in Fine Art Landscapes, in both color and Infrared B&W Photography. I teach workshops, lecture, coach & mentor photographers that want to take their work to the next level. The Oregon Professional Photographers Association (OPPA) recognized me as Oregon's Photographer of the Year in 2014 and Member of the Year in 2015.

02/18/2025

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight).
They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte !!
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from p*eking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and p*e her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment..... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pi**ed off.'
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
If you laughed at this pass it on. Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, then you are just a sour old fart or tart.
Credit to the original author.❤️

08/08/2024
“Vern Bartley
12/24/2021


Vern Bartley

12/11/2021

How to connect to ASF ?

You gotta admit......... that’s good !!!
01/05/2020

You gotta admit......... that’s good !!!

A plumber with a lot of humour

“ Engine 3201 Arrived, three story wood framed townhouse, one unit heavily involved, bystanders report a man trapped on ...
04/03/2019

“ Engine 3201 Arrived, three story wood framed townhouse, one unit heavily involved, bystanders report a man trapped on the 3rd floor balcony”!

Early efforts were intense as first in crews had to deal with both suppression and the rescue of the man trapped on the 3rd floor balcony. Capt. T Cole was able to reach the victim (via ground ladder) and was successful in bringing him down to safety for transport to the local hospital.

The Fire was knocked down fairly quickly with the deployment of a Blitz Line, Master Stream Deck Gun and 3 interior attack lines.

For the past 5 years I’ve volunteered as Newport Fire Departments Photographer. During that time I’ve been honored to work with a great group of dedicated paid and volunteer fire fighters who do their best to keep us all safe, and when things go wrong, they bail us out. And, they do that almost 3,000 times a year, here in Newport!

Cudos!! As well to to our neighboring mutual aid fire departments (Toledo, Seal Rock, Waldport, Depoe Bay & Siletz) that helped us when our plate was overflowing with Plenty of Work for everyone ! Oh yeah.... even a couple of our Sheriffs officers made our job a whole lot easier when they connected the hydrant and charged the main line to our first in engine. Then went on to man one of the primary suppression lines (to help beat back the flames)to protect the trapped tenant.

The next time you see your fire fighters & police officers driving around give them a wave of appreciation or a honk of acknowledgement. It doesn’t take much effort, but it really goes a long way and puts a smile on their face almost every time.

Just thought you all would like to know.
Vern

Vern's View - PEOPLES CHOICE AWARD !!!It's been a while since I've posted anything on FB.  Just sorta needed a bit of a ...
05/08/2018

Vern's View - PEOPLES CHOICE AWARD !!!
It's been a while since I've posted anything on FB. Just sorta needed a bit of a break.
However, this little turn of events seemed to warrant a small show and tell on my part.

The image is titled "YAQUINA HEAD NEBULA".
The story goes like this................. I responded to a Call to Artists from the Crossroads/Carnegie Gallery in Baker City late last year, where they were hosting an Oregon Photographers ONLY competition for a state wide traveling show of the best 48 images from the total submission by Oregon Photographers. The two categories were: 1. Views of Oregon & 2. People at work and play in Oregon.
The show was slated to travel from gallery to gallery throughout most of 2018. It started in Baker City, home of the Crossroads gallery in March. Then last Friday evening in the Brahma Pop Up Gallery in The Dalles and finally it will travel to Corvallis in early July.

The overall submission was almost 200 images. Three very qualified judges pruned them down to the final 48 images and awards were bestowed for the overall show and within each of the two categories.

I was fortunate enough to receive the 2nd Place award for the Views of Oregon section. Then, today I was notified that my Yaquina Head Nebula image had been chosen as the Peoples Choice Award at last Fridays reception in The Dalles. YAHOO !!!!

I am honored to have been included with other Oregon photographers that submitted some absolutely outstanding images of our great state.

Looking forward to the next round, in Corvallis in July.

Please feel free to share with others if you are so inclined.

Thank youi
Vern

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Central Oregon Coast
Newport, OR
97365

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