07/08/2021
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___The thing about clouds that is most beautiful is how quickly they change, and how profound their shifting silhouettes shape the world below them, all the while being nothing but water v***r moving through space.β
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There is so much like that in life. Seemingly innocuous moments can have such a tremendous impact on us, even if we are unaware of how they shape situations we are in. It's only in hindsight when our perception is clear.β
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A dear music history professor of mine once described time as a person walking backward. The future behind them was completely unseeable, unknowable. The present was in their periphery, perceptible, but still quite unclear and slowly coming into focus. The recent past directly in front of them, the clearest to see, but receding quickly. And the distant past, which they can still see, but gets fuzzier as depth perception fails and it all blends together in a sort of flat, 2-dimensional tableau, a snapshot.β
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At the age of 9, I was diagnosed with myopia, meaning I am near-sighted. Perhaps that's why I've always strained to focus on distances I can't fathom, both the past and the future while disregarding the details of the present because they are visually clearer. I don't spend as much time focusing my attention there.β
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That is not to say that I never live in the moment, but that I am often preoccupied with the past and the future in a way that disrupts the now. Most people struggle with this. Entire religions are based on this fundamental failing of human perception. It is a form of control we seek, to change the unchangeable (the past) and to know the unknowable (the future). To capture a cloud rolling by.β
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It hasn't been all bad, though. My foresight has produced a lot of great things. And my introspection has protected me from making some mistakes more than once. But at what cost to the present moment?