05/09/2026
I remember the first Mother’s Day I physically was not with my mom. I was 28 and just moved north. I cried all day and isolated myself from everyone. Up to that day I had always been with my mom on Mother’s day and I couldn’t comprehend not seeing her. The next year My gift was a visit to be with her. The years following were still hard not seeing her but I could at least talk with her.
This is the hardest one yet. I no longer have the option to see her OR talk with her. I don’t know how to accept this reality. I have tried to prepare myself over the past few weeks for this Mother’s Day and there are moments I feel like I have failed. Yes I have continued to get up and work and do daily functions but there are still moments where I feel lost. Many days I have thought back on that day wanting to do something different so I could have her here and all I can do is cry knowing I can’t change it. I need my mom. I want to see her, talk with her, hear her say my name, hug her, watch her with my kids , grandkids and great grands. She loved them all and it hurts they won’t have her here for future celebrations. I have never felt anything more painful than losing you mommy.
I hear the” she’s watching over you “ statement, heck I have said it to family and friends before. But I have kept looking and searching for signs and to me they are not clear or obvious. I have lost loved ones before and felt their presence many times. Am I expecting too much? Am I looking too hard? I keep asking where is that miracle?
Then the other day out of nowhere my youngest granddaughter who is 4, said to me “Can we call Great Grandma? ( she’s asked this many times over the past 8 months) and my reply has been no honey we can’t. 😥 . Why, she said. I replied because she is in Heaven. Her reply was She’s in Heaven? Then says with great clarity and conviction Great Grandma loves you”! I hugged that little girl so tight thinking ok mom you are talking to me through her 💕 there was my miracle and I will take that for now.
Have a wonderful Heavenly Mother’s Day mommy. I love and miss you so much and will try to be strong, but don’t scold me if I shed a few tears because my heart is missing a piece that’s with you.
