06/25/2026
Today marks 1 year of sobriety, two weeks of being 38, and two weeks short of 5 years in Long Beach 💘 So many seasons have passed. I feel like life is an endless battle of trying to be better, trying to be kinder, trying to be more regulated, trying to have better boundaries, trying to get more sleep, trying to feel more secure, trying to be better at choosing spaces, opportunities, jobs, and people that feel safe, all while trying to use my sensitivity as a super power - not a breaking point.
Sobriety has taught me a lot about myself. It’s taught me about the inner workings of my social anxiety and what I need in social settings to feel safe & comfortable. It’s taught me to slow down. It’s taught me that I’ve always been introverted and struggled with insecurity- that alcohol/drugs never solved or helped me work thru an ounce of it. Sobriety has given me the space to try and learn how to regulate on my own. At times, it’s felt incredibly lonely to be sober, and at other times, it’s felt excruciating to not be numb - but the fear of not being grounded and fully in my body is enough to commit. ❤️ Feeling everything all at once is hard work, and I may get less hang invites now, but I’ll wake up on Sunday without a hangover, and personally, that works for me. ✨
As someone that suffers from PTSD, panic & anxiety attacks, OCD, clinical depression (woooh), & chronic migraines (yay) I would spend so so so much time and energy spiraling before going out, trying to figure out what I could drink “that won’t make me sick tonight” or hungover tomorrow. I got so tired of missing out on opportunities, of saying the wrong things, or having poor judgement. At least now when I make mistakes, I’m more conscious of it.
If I could take back my 20s I would. It’s wild how often I was just running from my own mind, desperately wanting to be loved and included, desirable and fun, but I was mostly just hurting myself more.💔 I’m so grateful to have a partner that has chosen the same path, and that we found each other after the fact.
I don’t know the future, but for now, this is it.
Sobriety or not, I encourage you to release the things that stand in your way.✨ Cheers ☕️
