01/02/2025
It's been hard to write this post, because it makes it real. But here we are. A few months ago, I made the decision that I will no longer be working as a wedding photographer. I want to share with you what lead me to this choice...
One Saturday In August, I was on my way to a wedding getting ready for a full day on my feet. In an attempt to ease some morning anxiety, I spent the hour long drive soaking up time with Jesus, worshiping and listening for his voice. The intimacy and vulnerability of this moment allowed the Lord to speak to my heart so clearly. I sensed an all-too-familiar heaviness in my chest as I heard Him ask me, “Elise, will you lay this at my feet?”. I instantly knew that He meant my photography business. His voice was gentle and full of love. All I could do was loosen tears as I took a few deep breaths, realizing that this was the answer to the question that had been on my heart for months now. With very little inquiries and next to no bookings coming in for 2025, I questioned and worried all summer long when God would “provide what I needed”. Nothing made sense; nothing was adding up. My work was the best it had ever been. My client experience was the best it had ever been, and yet I was constantly ghosted. I felt like a complete failure, thinking that I had to have done something wrong for this to happen. But I kept choosing to trust God through it.
So here I am in my car, confronted with a simple ask and trying to formulate a response, even though He already knew what I was thinking. The question was so heavy. “Lord, I don’t want to let this go, but I want to have a heart that says yes to you.” That was enough for now. I finished the wedding that day, and came home with the same weightiness on my heart. I opened up to Javin that night about what I sensed from the Lord, shedding tears as I began to grieve all of the things that I would lose if I gave up my business. Part of me wanted to deny that that moment in the car even happened. It felt like He was trying to strip away parts of me. I had already given up my graphic design gig a few years ago, and now this? This was uncomfortable. This felt so unfair. Why would he ask this of me? Why would he ask me to let go of something that I built from the ground up? Why would he ask me to give up something that I was gifted in? Why would he ask me to give up something that provided financially for my family? The questions were endless and seemed to justify my reluctance to say yes to Jesus. But day after day, unable to shake the prompting of the holy spirit, I pressed into God even when my human nature wanted to run from Him. He slowly began to reveal things in my heart that I didn’t realize were there, and deep conviction began to set in the more my heart softened towards Him. I came across many passages in the word that spoke to me in a new way, one being the story of Abraham when God asks him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. I imagine this felt unbearably cruel to Abraham. Isaac was his greatest gift; his greatest love, and God was commanding him to give him up - with no explanation. None of it made sense, and yet Abraham responded in obedience with no hesitation. His love and trust in God was so great that he was willing to give up the one thing he loved the most. And while there is no comparison between a giving up a photography business and giving up your own flesh and blood, I was reminded of the heart posture that God wants us have in our relationship with him. The cost of being close to the Lord will require sacrifice. He doesn’t give all the answers, but He is faithful and calls us trust him with our next steps. If we ignore the promptings of the holy spirit, then we lose our sensitivity to him and lose our way.
The questions and doubts kept pouring in. “Lord, how are we going to finish renovating our house if I quit? How can I give my kids opportunities if we don’t have this extra income? How are we going to manage financially when the cost of living keeps going up?”… Was my faith really so shallow to believe that he couldn’t make these things happen through anything else but me? Oof. Another morning, I was standing at my kitchen sink washing dishes (feeling sorry for myself). I was comparing my life to my friends and people I admired, thinking about their seemingly booming careers and successes. Another word hit my heart “Elise, if I asked to you wash dishes for the rest of your life, would you do it for me?” Oof.
The hard truth is, the condition of my heart was not in balance. My priorities were not in order. My pride had got in the way. I was operating out of insecurity instead of joy and guidance from the lord. I was finding my identity and security in my job instead of the Lord. It didn’t feel like it was enough to say I was just a wife and stay-at-home mom. I liked being able to tell people that I had my own business, because I thought that it gave me value. I liked bringing in additional income because it made me feel like I was in control of my future and fears. The lie I believed was that without this business - without this title, I would be insignificant and invisible to the world. The truth is that I am God’s child, and that is enough. He is enough. I don’t need a title to have value. The lie I believed was that I had lost control, and this loss of income would take away my choices and freedoms; I would be bitter and frustrated as a result. The truth is that my trust is in God, not in my job. I am safe because He is in control. He has always provided and met my needs. He is Jehovah Jireh. The lie I believed was that the last seven years of pouring into photography were a waste of time for it to end this way. The truth is that God has used this business to mold me and shape my character. He has instilled discipline, integrity, influence, and a heart to serve people. He has ignited confidence and a creative spirit within me. The lie I believed was that I had failed. My business had failed as a result of something l had done or didn’t do. The truth is that God has gone before me and made a way for this transition to happen. He has closed doors so that He can open a new one. He is good and He is kind. He wants more for me than He wants from me. He is making a way for something new.
As these truths were revealed, I began to align my heart with the Lord, release the burden and experience His peace. My hesitation was replaced with trust and I started to find joy in saying yes to him. The conversation changed from “If I give this up, I will lose…” to “If I give this to you, you can now…”
I gave my single 2025 client a call to say that I could no longer be the photographer for their wedding. It was hard but it was freeing. Later I asked God in my prayer time why he didn’t just close the door for me when I initially booked this couple. His response was simple, “you always have a choice.” And then it hit me. By keeping this one booking in my back pocket, it gave me an out. I could have chosen to keep it. I could have chosen to persevere through a tough season. I could have kept my business and honestly, bookings probably would have picked back up at some point. But I ultimately came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to get to the end of my life, regretting that I didn’t say yes to Jesus because I was afraid. He is worth the hard. He is worth the uncomfortable. He is worth the unknown.
I don’t share this with you to pat myself on the back. I am human; I am faulted. But I want to live a life that glorifies the Lord, and if giving up photography does just that, then I'm willing to do it. I’m hoping that my vulnerability will speak to some of your hearts, as I’m sure I’m not the only person to walk through something like this. I want you to be encouraged and to find hope in what God is speaking to you. I’m so incredibly thankful for the past seven years of getting to serve people in this capacity all while growing in something I love doing. From my very first client to my last, you all have made such a difference in my life. Thank for your following along in this journey and trusting me with your memories. I’m forever grateful. - Elise
Note: I plan to keep this page up and running for a while. I have so much work that I haven’t shared yet so you may see a post from me every now and then. I also want to be available for other photographers who may need a mentor! I’d love to be a resource and share what I know! Please feel free to message me if that's you!
