11/07/2024
i am de captain now
-growing up in a hospital as a chronically ill kid with an auto-immune disorder, mental disorders, chronic pain, cptsd, clinical depression, polycystic ovarian syndrome, eosinophilic gastrointestinal esophagitis, metabolic syndrome, having my gallbladder no longer and the long term side affects i’ve been deemed with since. each day waking up to being in pain or in a panic. each day wondering what’s gonna go out on me next, and avoiding doctors for those reasons. being turned away by countless therapists as my complicated & long history is quite a bit for anyone to want to chew on, let alone attempt to treat. i have so many different traumas, and most of them are because my body has never been my own. my mind, has never been able to listen to me on its own without medication silencing the ugliest things that repeat on loop inside. especially with being on birth control to manage the PCOS since i was 12 learning it was slowly killing me, and the little light i had left inside.
i dropped that birth control & started something new. that majorly shifted my brain to my ability to get out of bed and look for more light again. that was only the beginning. 50+ pounds down after switching THAT ALONE, NOTHING ELSE??? i’ve also started voicing myself, instead of allowing my demons to only haunt my head, i expel them in sharing. i’ve been actively working on getting healthier, mentally and physically and learning how to work with my body so i am back in control. BASIC HUMAN HEALTH CARE IS SO IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO ARE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING THEIR GENETIC MAKEUP & UNLUCK JUST TO SURVIVE. without those outlets, and that care? i would have been dead years ago. hell i wouldn’t have made it to 2024 after just how terrible of a place i was in last december. the last 5 years has been a hell i am working so hard on never returning to again, fighting each day because my life DOES depend on it and doing what i can in my power so nobody EVER has to go through any of that pain as well.
my body has never been in my control, & the little control i’ve built.. someone has come along each time & stolen it.
not anymore.
MY BODY IS MY CHOICE. MY BODY IS MINE.