12/04/2025
A *few* years back, I was very present in photographer groups. At first, it did a lot of good. I challenged myself, was inspired, learned a ton, asked advice. But I will never forget once just venting about my editing time, and a male photographer commented something about how my time of 40+ hours for editing a wedding was ridiculous. He asked what I was doing wrong. I remember feeling so defeated but then commented back "I have 3 kids under 4." He didn't understand or think that was a valid excuse.
Now, years later, with 5 kids ranging from 1 to 13 years old, I wish I could give that girl a hug, but I also could use a hug from her. Having toddlers is SO hard. Whether you are a photographer, a stay at home mom, a business owner, a mom with a job outside the home or all of the above. It is so hard. Trying to deliver a quality product in a reasonable time and delivering on promises and being professional while screaming toddlers crawl on you and pull on you and throw things at you and literally hit the work out of your hands....it's so hard. I'm back in this season for round two and trying to give myself grace. Today, I texted my husband and just said "Please pray for me. I am so frustrated."
Luckily, I truly have wonderful clients, and I only take a handful of weddings per year - but it's still hard. The balance of loving my children, keeping a household, being a wife and "getting things done" is nearly impossible most days. This week, it feels more than impossible. Asher only wants to use me as a jungle gym, and that is not conducive to the level of retouching I do. After he literally kicked my computer over and threw a couple SD cards in a glass of water, I stopped to breathe. Today, I looked back at the last time I was in this spot and couldn't see the end. She was 24 and alone. I wish there was a 35 year old seasoned me to wrap her arms around her and tell her "it's going to be okay." I wish I could tell her to take time for herself and her body and not push herself to burnout. Prioritize being present. Update the expected delivery timelines to something that actually works. And forgive yourself. Since I can't tell 24 year old me that, I'm telling the other versions of her out there (and 35 year old me) - hang in there. It's just a job. It's a job. Other photographers (or small business owners in general) might be quicker than you and appear to sore without limits, but they aren't you. You do you. It's okay.