09/05/2025
Katie and Ali invited me to photograph their "Document Dinner" last December, and this weekend we get to celebrate their wedding! The care they put into community is powerful. Here's part of my toast:
My last relationship was with someone who lived in the 1%. She prioritized her allegiance to lineage over the challenges that come with living your values in spaces that don't share them. I think a lot about the role of comfort in our lives, and when comfort and wellbeing diverge.
Too often, comfort is a slow death. It upholds status quo and makes us turn away from the hard conversations that deepen relationships. The spaces between divergent needs hold so much creativity and potential. While *feeling* love is vital, it alone is not enough. Our love must be an action rooted in a steadfast commitment to each other.
With powerful leftist phrases like "We keep us safe," I often ask who "we" is. I value community that isn't maintained by the carceral nature of curating only like-minded people through moral purity tests. I value knowing my neighbors, even when those relationships are filled with (bridgeable) difference, and where we hold each other accountable to our shared liberation.
Unlike folks here, I don't know Ali and Katie well. But choices like like inviting their photographer to speak helps center the humanity of everyone in the room. In the brief time that we've known each other, they've extended incredibly thoughtful recommendations for all things Rhode Island; they've invested labor into a relationship that traditionally doesn't warrant that sort of connection. I think that any community lucky enough to have Katie and Ali is a stronger, more emotionally vulnerable, less extractive, and more kind one. And maybe just a little goofier.
To toast, I hope we all have the discernment to the know whether something is a threat to our wellbeing vs our comfort - that we leave or change what jeopardizes ourselves, our people, and anyone's right to self determination, and that we prioritize our individual and collective wellbeing even at the cost of inconvenience. We owe each other so much, and I hope all of our relationships leave us each more free.
Slainte.