10/20/2024
Yesterday was Domestic Violence Awareness Day. It didn't dawn on me until just now scrolling Facebook with my morning coffee and it's just there as a reminder in my news feed.
I go days. Whole weeks now without thinking about it. About him. Someone asked me a question yesterday and I had to count back and realized it had been 2 whole months since his existence had even popped into my head.
In 4 months I... No. We. My daughter and I. We will be 2 years Domestic Violence free.
Free. That's such a small word with a powerful meaning.
Free to laugh again. Free to say "no thank you" again. Free to not walk on eggshells. Free to love and be loved in a safe environment. Free to express my feelings to someone who isn't going to explode about them, or yell at me, or swear and slam doors. Free to have friends again. Free to unconditionally smother my children with love, without fear that I'll get yelled at for giving them 'more' attention than him.
Free to say "I love you" because in the moment I truly feel it, and not because it's a panic response that I know will calm someone's anger.
Free to be whole. To be me. To be my absolute quirky weird nerdy self.
I'm definitely still healing. I'm learning to resist the triggers that I once knew. There is a part of me that will forever be altered and changed. I will probably never live with an unlocked door again, or not freeze as an automatic response when I hear a truck revving by. I still startle at the sound of a slamming door, and my stomach will still get a pit in it when I hit send on a text I fear can be taken the wrong way. I will never have my daughter in a daycare, or not look over my shoulder before taking her out of the car. There are still court days ahead, and I know there will come a day when we will have to face our abuser again. But today I don't feel like a Domestic Violence 'Victim'. I feel, and am a Survivor.
I will continue to survive and heal for my Daughter. I will show her what safe love feels and looks like through example. I will help her to find her own strength and voice.
Can I just say though as an ending note... I wouldn't be this version of me with you. Thank you to the ones who stood with me, stood by me, stood up for me. You are my purple 💜 in the world. Thank you to the ones who showed me my own strength, my voice, and my courage. Thank you to my sons and daughter for giving me a reason to better myself, my life, and our home environment, you give me the strength I never knew I had.
P.s. a tiny (large, happy, forever grateful) shout out to the one who introduced me to my safe 🐙
If you know someone or are someone please call the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.
Please don't turn a cold shoulder or a judgement and think that 'getting out' is easy. Or 'they should have known better ' or 'I told them, and they didn't listen to me'. KEEP telling them. Keep helping them. It takes a person up to 7 attempts to leave their abuser. Some never get out. Be the one that does, or help them be the one who does.
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