04/25/2023
Grief and Healing (2020) - a series
In fall of 2020, I was taking online courses including a color photography class. About halfway through the semester, I found myself needing some time to work on my mental health. I left home for two months and went on to work with a program near San Diego. I was told nobody completes more than one class while in the program, but I completed 4.
The final assignment for my color photography class was to create a portfolio in which color helps to tell a narrative. With HIPAA being a problem, and being so far from family, I had to be my own model. My narrative is a personal story of my grief for my grandmother, April Pamela Moore.
My grandma's great grandmother helps me tell this story with her mourning song. Lizzie Enos sang and spoke for UC Berkeley to preserve our language and culture, and from those recordings I found her song.
I start with green and red, to represent the natural love I have for her. I then add black to the story to show the mourning I experienced. The green gets more intense but without the red to show that the cycle of grief is natural. The red comes back to show that I found love for her and myself in the midst of mourning. Then white is introduced to show the healing that I experienced. And the red envelopes the sky as a way to show the warmth I found in myself.
Although the healing and warmth did occur in my grieving process, they became stronger and more prominent while I was working in that program. So in a way, this story is about missing my Grandma, but it's also about me finding myself, finding my strength now that I can't rely on hers. Recently people have said such wonderful things about me, but I would never have given them the reasons to say such things if I never chose to help myself when I did.
It's never too late to work on yourself, it's not a bad thing to need some help in life, we're all human beings and we need to help lift each other and lift ourselves up.