12/05/2023
♥️🎄🎅🏼🚂we believe. seeing the season through their little eyes is such a blessing. my oldest asked me, in a very honest moment, why we didn’t go out to do more things all together. I’m not going to lie - it stung at first. a lot. more days than not, I feel like I’m failing as a mama. but I remind myself that I felt that way before I was single momming. I asked him to sit with me so we could talk more about it. after he dove in, he made some realizations on his own - we do things our way & we usually go on special one on one dates together because it’s hard to navigate a chaotic world with three impressionable tinies all alone. some things we do all together but some things are just for mama & one of them. there’s no wrong way to do it, it just is different, & the sting faded away as he hugged me big & talked about what he wants to plan for our next date. the next night we embarked on a chaos crew adventure. seeing Santa was bittersweet, emotionally. watching how they navigated seeing this magical person with such care & awe reminded me how innocent they are & how short these years are. when I was Jack’s age, I was told on the playground that I was an idiot for believing in Santa. I tried to play it off but I cried myself to sleep that night - the magic had died away some & things felt different. they still believe, but it made me realize that we might not have many Christmases left where that magic is still there in full force. so this Christmas will be filled with as much magic as we can muster - in solo dates & as a whole chaotic crew - but filled with a whole lotta love & light. ✨
