04/02/2026
I’m going to be real… the kind of real that hurts to even say out loud.
Mom… I want you.Not a memory. Not a sign people tell me to look for.I want you.
Mom… I want you here, not in heaven.And I guess that makes me selfish…and that’s okay.
Having my mom in heaven is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.This isn’t soft grief… this is the kind that rips through you,the kind that makes you question everything,the kind that leaves you sitting there asking,“Am I okay… or am I losing my mind?”
Because I talk to you…I look for you…I beg for you…and some days I don’t hear you at all.
And that silence?It’s loud.
There’s so much I want to tell you.So much I need you for.
Mom… I’m trying.God knows I am.
Some days I’m strong…and some days I am failing miserably.Some days I’m holding it together…and some days I am barely breathing through it.
But I keep showing up.I keep trying.Even when it hurts. Even when I’m tired. Even when I feel so lost without you.
I have one year left.I’m about to graduate with my Bachelor’s degree in Digital Photography, with a minor in social media.I already earned my Associate’s degree in Digital Photography.I’m graduating with honors… a 3.98 GPA.
I built something, Mom…I built a studio from the ground up.It’s mine.
And all I want—all I want—is to walk into your room, crawl onto your bed,and show you everything.
To hear you say,“You did good, baby… I’m so proud of you.”
I’m trying to keep our family together.I talk to Jeremy almost every day… but it’s not the same.Nothing is the same without you.
I just want to feel you again.I just want to hear you again.I just want you.
Please…if you can hear me—if you’re anywhere near me—
just give me something.A sign. A feeling. A moment.
Because I need to know you’re still here…that you still see me…that you’re still proud of me.
I love you, Momma… so big it hurts.And I don’t know how to do this life without you…I’m just trying. 🤍