06/21/2026
Sleep apnea can start right after birth. I was a premature twin, @ 4.6 pounds. My apnea slowly altered my life over a long period of time. Years of untreated sleep apnea kept my nervous system in a more stressed, reactive, and vigilant state than it otherwise would have been.
My mother also put her ash tray on her pregnant belly before I was born. This is why I was premature. Suffering for me began before I entered the world.
I learned later in life that I was being verbally abused by my mother the whole time I was at home. Just after I was hospitalized for manic depression, I lived at home very briefly. I became her object and punching bag. There never was any love. I took all my belongings and tossed them in my car. I’m out of here and I lived in my car.
Recently in November 2023 my blood oxygen was 81. Very dangerous. It took its sweet time over the years to get this low. My nervous system was also heavily influenced by all the sadist things my mother put me through. Living inside my nervous system was like living in a constant storm. I knew something was wrong when I was 5. I later found out that my I.Q. was 140 and I had ADHD. I use to think how can I be struggling so much in school if I have an IQ of 140.
All my life I thought what I went through was what all peeps go through. For most of my life I pursued to educate myself regarding anxiety, fear, my bipolar sistuation, but the storm continued, until I my current Dr. got me on Effexor. I was pretty calm, but in time this therapy lost its power. Anxiety and my cognition struggled.
March forward to my lock down in my house, God started providing what I call drop-in blessings. Mentally, I only felt safe in my house or bedroom. I had a lot of doom like fear. It was the worst thing I have ever dealt with in my life. This is when I learned more about my healing. The whole 31 months were a constant rehab. Much of what really changed the suffering was God’s voice. He kept drowning me with a constant feedback. I now know how I got here to share this story. My life line was his plan. When I look back, I see his timing everywhere. You can not help but cry to see the love that comes from God.
For years I attended Mt. Park Church. I have always known Jesus, but my heart was not into holding hands with Jesus daily. I continued to live in our fallen world. That stopped about 7 years ago. Both my sister and I had rebirths, it was awesome.
I really need to write about my 62 year journey. I honestly have 3 year old stories when I out smarted both my parents. My sister and I were like Bonnie and Clyde, but with out the violence. I drove my mother nuts. I was always doing dare devil things and ending up at the emergency room (remember I had a nervous system storm flowing through me). During this whole journey especially the last 31 months, I have learned a ton about the brain. We all need to be way more grounded.
On this Father’s Day, I am cured of the storm that ran my life. I’m much like the beagles that were freed and smelling grass for the first time. My head is calm, my body is calm, I’m calm, LOL. Gods timing says it all. I was to gain memory from my therapy, not a total brain rebuild. To remove all my mental disorders was a total miracle. What really helped me were - my mini angels, “my backyard hummingbirds.” ultimately my brain was extra sensitive most of my whole life and I found work arounds to survive. Now in hindsight with all of Gods drop ins I now see how God carried me.
The many images attached will show you what I have valued most of my Dad years. It’s still going strong. Our children are miracles.
