Silent Tears For You

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Silent Tears For You My wish is to give peace, comfort, and hope to those on earth grieving the loss of a loved one.

There are things I only say to you, Mom, and never in daylight.How loved you were. How much of me is built from you. How...
10/19/2026

There are things I only say to you, Mom, and never in daylight.

How loved you were. How much of me is built from you. How the house still feels like it’s holding its breath for you to walk in.

At the funeral and afterward, people said kind things to me, and I said “thank you.” I never said any of this.

Missed beyond measure is the only way I’ve found to put it. It still isn’t big enough.

Dad,I tell everyone I’m fine, and most days I almost am. I go to work. I pay what needs paying. I answer when people ask...
10/18/2026

Dad,

I tell everyone I’m fine, and most days I almost am. I go to work. I pay what needs paying. I answer when people ask.

But I come out here to put my head in my hands, where nobody has to watch me do it.

I’m trying to do it the way you would have. I’m just not sure you did it without cracks, either.

Life doesn’t feel the same. I’m doing my best anyway.

It was the smell of someone else’s kitchen today.Nothing else. I was standing in a doorway holding a coat, and the whole...
10/18/2026

It was the smell of someone else’s kitchen today.

Nothing else. I was standing in a doorway holding a coat, and the whole afternoon tilted. I had to say I’d forgotten something in the car.

I sat in the car.

That’s how it works now. I can go a whole day looking like myself, and then one small thing slips past my guard and I’m back at the beginning, in a parked car with the engine off, waiting for my face to look normal again.

Nobody says “still?” out loud. They don’t have to. I can see it when the subject comes up, in how quickly they look for ...
10/18/2026

Nobody says “still?” out loud. They don’t have to. I can see it when the subject comes up, in how quickly they look for a way to change it.

So I’ve gotten good at sounding like someone who is past it.

I’m not. I’ve stopped expecting to be. Whatever this is, it moves with me like weather, some days faraway and some days right on top of me.

What have you never said out loud?

If you’ve been holding it together for everyone else, this one is for you.Not the version of you that answers messages a...
10/18/2026

If you’ve been holding it together for everyone else, this one is for you.

Not the version of you that answers messages and shows up. The one who lies awake with a head full of thoughts you can’t hand to anyone.

I know “take care of yourself” sounds like the easiest advice in the world. When you’re grieving, it’s usually the hardest. Small counts, though. A glass of water. A walk with no destination. Ten minutes in the dark with the phone face down.

Who are you carrying today behind a smile?

I look up more than I used to.On walks, in the car, standing in the yard with my coat half zipped. People probably think...
10/18/2026

I look up more than I used to.

On walks, in the car, standing in the yard with my coat half zipped. People probably think I’m just checking the weather.

I’m not. I’m hoping. I still find myself hoping that if there’s any way for you to see me down here, you’d see this: that I’m still the same person who loves you, only quieter about it.

I’m not sure I could say that to anyone’s face.

For about four seconds this morning, you were alive.I woke up already reaching for my phone to tell you something. Then ...
10/18/2026

For about four seconds this morning, you were alive.

I woke up already reaching for my phone to tell you something. Then the room came into focus and I remembered, all over again, like hearing it for the first time.

I lay there very still. I didn’t want anyone in the house to hear me.

Some mornings the dream is the cruelest part. It gives you back everything and then takes it without warning.

Nobody asks what I do with my evenings.If they did, I’d say I’m resting. The truth is I find a quiet place, sit with my ...
10/18/2026

Nobody asks what I do with my evenings.

If they did, I’d say I’m resting. The truth is I find a quiet place, sit with my arms around my knees, and let you come back to me one memory at a time. Your laugh, the way you said my name, a dumb argument I’d give anything to have again.

I don’t cry loudly. I just stay a little longer than I mean to.

Whose name do you whisper when no one’s listening?

I don’t tell anyone how long the days feel now.I plan next week, next month, the way people do. And somewhere underneath...
10/18/2026

I don’t tell anyone how long the days feel now.

I plan next week, next month, the way people do. And somewhere underneath every plan is the same quiet fact: you won’t be in any of it.

That’s what I carry into each tomorrow. Nobody sees it, and it doesn’t make a sound.

“How are you?” “Fine, thanks. You?”I’ve said it so many times this month that it doesn’t even feel like lying anymore.Wh...
10/17/2026

“How are you?” “Fine, thanks. You?”

I’ve said it so many times this month that it doesn’t even feel like lying anymore.

What I’d really say is that I miss you a little too much, and that it’s getting harder to hide. I’ve started taking the long way home just so I can have ten more minutes of not having to look okay.

What do you grieve quietly, where no one can see?

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