5evenspeed Photography, 550 East Cotati Ave, Cotati, CA (2026)

04/05/2026

“I’m gonna move to California
I’m gonna melt into the sand
Slow dance with Elizabeth Taylor
and Audrey
bum a cigarette from Cary Grant

Now New York you know I love you
because you made me who I am
…which is not that good of a person
I need to feel something again

I can feel it too
So what am I waiting for?
I’m afraid of you
It’s just I’m not that good of a person
But I might be enough for you
and I’ve got enough love for two”

-J. Stevens, 2016

The Gina Lollobrigida quote “We are all born to die - the difference is the intensity in which we choose to live.” fades to black as the sound of wind becomes increasingly noticeable. The video for “Serotonia” leads with Johnny Stevens standing alone on the roof of his building in Brookland during a snow storm. No music, just the howl of wind. Stevens slowly closes his eyes and when he opens them, he’s standing in the California desert; the wind still howling. The video flashes back to Brookland once more before staying in the desert. The faintest expression of contentment washes over Stevens’ face and the music begins playing over the wind.

I think about this often as I find myself alone outside in the depths of winter.

However, while the contrast of climates at my destinations have been stark to when I boarded the plane back home for my travels so far this year, that’s not what reminded me of this song or its video. It’s the second stanza posted above. I’ve spent a non-zero amount of time these first three races questioning if I’m actually the one in the wrong. The actions of others has led me to question my audacity to be on this path more over the last three months than ever before. To doubt the intensity in which I choose to live.

But all that went out the window in California. A part of this world that has been slowly becoming evermore special to me ushered in senses of community found in unexpected places. Places never explored before because I was too consumed with pleasing those who have been causing me grief as of late. And with what I found in California, for the first time this season, I am going into the next race truly feeling like I belong there.

04/03/2026

“Helmet Head”? Never met ‘em. Don’t they work for Red Bull or something?

helmethead

02/05/2026

“In the back, off the side and far away
Is a place, where I hide, where I stay
Tried to say, tried to ask, I needed to
All alone, by myself, where were you?
How could I ever think, it’s funny how
Everything that swore it wouldn’t change is different now
Just like you would always say, we’ll make it through
Then my head fell apart and where were you?”

-T. Reznor, 1999

I’ve been in a weird place since Daytona. I wanted to bring oh so much more home with me… but I really can’t be too upset with what I have. It’s all progress.

The part that has annoyed me the most is that I’m still at a loss of words. Not like in a bad way or anything… just… yeah. I don’t think I’ve even wrapped my head around it yet, let alone the ability to relay it.

I’ll get there though.

In short: a lot of other [more “notable”] photographers have said that this year’s Rolex is on for the ages; one that won’t be forgotten soon. Why? Because of the fog? Otherwise -barring the last hour- it was a relatively uneventful race. So if we’re just focusing on the fog, I actually find that quite ironically amusing considering my current inability to communicate my feelings of it. I digress. I have a feeling that this year’s Rolex will in fact be not forgotten anytime soon for me. Not because of the fog, but because of the self-growth that’s blossoming out of it for me.

I spent the lot of it “in the back, off the side and far away” where I typically hide. Where I typically feel most comfortable. In the process, it ended up being the most connected I’ve felt to myself at a racetrack since probably my first Rolex as a fan that served as the genesis to all of this.

Everything that swore it wouldn’t change is different now. And that’s a good thing, even if I couldn’t see it in the moment… you know, because of the fog and all… *sarcastic smirk*

01/25/2026

Into the night.

01/23/2026

Night, Practiced

01/15/2026

Daytona just hits different. This isn’t a new revelation, but yet, it just… never gets old.

It was as I was walking through the WeatherTech paddock Thursday morning of the Roar while the teams had just started unloading that it hit me. The load-in part felt “normal”, like any other race weekend I’ve experienced over the last decade… but then I turned the corner from the GTD side of the Yellow garages and looked out on the tri-oval/main grandstands. In those few footsteps, I had a minor out-of-body experience. I flashed back to my first Rolex as a fan and how star struck I felt the first time seeing DIS in real life after watching races at it on TV my entire life.

Then I sighed as a smirk washed over my face.

There’s no place like this. There is no other track on the North American sportscar calendar that we spend nearly 10 consecutive days at. Before the Rolex even begins, you’re already borderline sick of the place… but as soon as the green drops on the 24, everything goes out the window. It’s like being at a completely different racetrack. You will lose track of time and manage to somehow leave the track without getting everything on your ideal shot list over that 24hr period. This place wears you down both physically and mentally, yet when you finally get to rest Sunday evening after the Rolex, you’re already thinking about next year.

I hope I never don’t feel this way...

01/13/2026

“Cracks in the ceiling, crooked pictures in the hall
Countin’ and breathin’, I’m leaving here tomorrow

Losin’ a feeling that I couldn’t get away
Counting and breathing, disappearing in the fade

They don’t know, I’d never do you any good
Stopping and staying, I would if I could

I ain’t gonna worry
Just live ‘til you die…”

-J. Homme, 2000

It was a weird and sometimes trying off season… a lot like the entirety of the 2025 season that preceded it. But that’s okay, cuz I learned a few things from it and most importantly, it’s over.

I’m leaving here tomorrow.

Anyways. This was easily one of my favorite photos from last year’s Rolex. Figured no time like the day before leaving for this year’s Rolex to share it. The small format of social media doesn’t do it any justice… but that’s fine. It’s mostly for me. Sorta like last season was. This season is for them. No more disappearing in the fade….

01/09/2026

One more week….

…and I can’t wait to be “home”, it’s been too long.

12/28/2025

“I’ve been away, a little while
Sometimes I just can’t help myself
When my mind’s running wild
I seem to lose grip on reality
And I try to disregard the crazy things
The voices tell me to do but it’s no use

I tried to own it, write songs about it
Believe me, I tried, in the end I needed to breathe
Find inspiration, some kind of purpose
To take a second to face the s**t that makes me me

I saw the world a couple times
Tried to cure the ache with absence
But that hole was still a hole
And my mind kept playing tricks on me
Feeling older every day
Took everything I had to not crash and burn
But I’m starting to learn

Sometimes I’ll fall down, sometimes I’ll lose hope
But those days will be few if I keep my feet on the ground
I might be lonely but I ain’t alone here
So I keep pushing the limits of what makes me me

I can be better than I was
I can be better than I am”

-D. Worsnop, 2017

All I needed was the last thing I wanted… but that wasn’t to be alone in a room because I had done too much of that already. If anything, that was the problem.

Spending most of my days alone never bothered me before, that used to be how I liked it. It still rather is? But this time, as a bizarre consequence of recovering, I was falling too far into myself. The sadness wasn’t there anymore and in its place was a motivation to be better.

I always felt most comfortable by myself and in the dark. But was that still okay? Could I still be “myself” if I wasn’t crippled by a lack of esteem? Was I now fabricating problems just so I’d be able to crawl back into the solitude darkness?

This all hit me as I was working with my photos from Petit & SRO Indy. The results of the culled & processed photos were all dark and solitary, and yet I didn’t feel like I had enough. I wanted more, but of what? I didn’t want everything to be dark… but I wasn’t in love with what I shot in the daylight. I wanted something different without losing my identity.

When the 2025 racing season ended, I was excited and optimistic. I had the stories to tell. But I began struggling to put the words on the page. And so, I’ve been away, a little while…

12/21/2025

“I rolled the dice
And found a new dead end
Not just the eyes
I’ve got the snake venom
I’m hypnotised
You’re telling lies again
You were my life
And now you’re not my friend

Cut the chains
And enter my bullpen
You’ll be the ace
At least for now in there
I’ll play it safe
I cannot be broken
I’ve been erased
And now I’m gone again

All I am is your van Gogh
I paint our dreams on the golden coast
I stay up high, flying solo
Don’t come too close
I just ghost
I told you I am the new Poe
I sold my soul to the radio
I steal your heart in the shadows
Don’t come too close
I just ghost”

-D. Bates, 2019

Yeah, I’ve ghosted. I tend to do that, especially when others come too close.

But the thing is, I don’t even have that excuse this time - I’ve been relatively secluded in my own world.

So it’s perhaps fitting that I felt struck to post something on this winter solstice. It’s not much, I’m still feel rather void of tangible thoughts. But at least the darkest night is behind us. The days are only going to get brighter from here.

This last orbit was a weird one. I learned a lot of invaluable insights from others and equally as much about myself, but it’s also not a year that I’m keen to repeat. There was remarkably growth in otherwise stagnation. No steps backward albeit an arrested pace forward, at least on the surface.

I’m most comfortable flying solo, high out of sight… but I also can’t wait to rendezvous back on the ground at Daytona…

11/26/2025

“Silent wake as the day is burning
Slip back into my silhouette
I don’t know when the trains are running
Get me back home to hide away

Sky ablaze in the subtle turning
Two-way motion in a pirouette
Wide awake with a quiet yearning
Get me seaside to hide away

Time waits for me in a blue reverie
Time waits for me in bloom

Do you imagine
The illusion calls your name
From a world you can’t embrace
Hide away
All the rain that’s falling
That the clouds cannot contain
Until the embers find the waves
Hide away

Is wandering the cure to the quiet annihilation?
A trilogy of decades gone knowing now that I’ll always be searching…“

-J . Cavey/J. Cash, 2024

I always wanted a place on the ocean. Water calls me in the same way the sky does. I think it has something to do with the infinite horizon; endless possibilities within the unknown or something. And blue has always been my favorite colour, its only other competition being black. I digress.

I concluded my 2024 travels with a rather selfish trip that exploited my inlaws’ new relativity to the ocean, specifically, the greater Pensacola area for the Blue Angels homecoming weekend.

I wasn’t planning on going this year, which is convenient considering the airshow was canceled. But yet, over the last week or so, I’ve been feeling an emptiness that I can only explain away as a weird form of “wanderlust”. Because of the perennial nature of the racing schedule, my brain somehow locked onto “we go to Florida to play with airplanes at this time”.

As a person prone to anxiety who generally doesn’t like crowds, I’m by no means sad to not be flying today, the busiest travel day of the year… but still, I’m missing white sand beneath my feet, afterburners in my ears, and fighter jets in my viewfinder.

It’s only been six weeks since I returned home from the Petit/SRO Indy combo trip… and it’s starting to feel like waaaayyyyyy too long to be in one place. . . . .

5evenspeed Photography

04/05/2026

04/03/2026

02/05/2026

01/25/2026

01/23/2026

01/15/2026

01/13/2026

01/09/2026

12/28/2025

12/21/2025

11/26/2025

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