07/09/2020
Welp…HI GUYS! Remember me? Long time no see 🥰
I’m not even really sure where to start, & I’ve gone back & forth for a very long time on if I wanted to be vulnerable & open with you all, but I think I want to, & I’m ready. I will say though that I’m going to be vulnerable to an extent. While some may say I owe NO ONE an explanation (and I know that), I feel like so many of you have been following my photography journey for so long that I just wanted to fill you in. I’m just going to type as my thoughts come in, so this might be jumbled, so bare with me.
I was so unhappy. I was burnt out. I was tired. I had anxiety. I doubted myself. I was lost. I was heartbroken.
I started photography in 2013 not knowing where it would take me. I had no idea if it would be long term, short term, if I’d suck, if I’d be good. It’s now 2020 & I have had so much success. But around late 2018, something felt off. I had finally realized that I have anxiety. It made so much sense. But until this winter, so almost 2 years later, I finally figured out why. Now, out of respect, I will not publicly say why. But I will shout from the rooftops that going to therapy bi/tri-weekly helped me tremendously, & I have no idea where I would be without it. Therapy helped me sort out my thoughts, it set off these chain reactions in my thoughts & it all made sense.
Now, this is where it gets uncomfortable for me, but I think I need to address it. Most know, but a lot don’t. In late September 2019, my world came crashing down. After experiencing what felt like someone dying, my husband & I separated (divorced in May). Do you have any idea what it’s like to photograph weddings, ya know, people’s happiest days of their lives, when your marriage is over? I would come home & just cry. I ignored emails from people interested in sessions & weddings, I didn’t want to edit because looking at wedding photos made me feel empty & sad that my marriage was over. A side of me came out that I never knew existed. The quitter.
To everyone who emailed me & never heard back — I’m so sorry. Please know that it wasn’t you, it was me. I felt so much resentment towards photography, I was so heartbroken that I didn’t want to book anything. I didn’t have the mental energy to email people. I just wanted to put all of my focus into my mental health, because I was at an all-time low. I did NOT want to suppress my grief & heartache, I wanted to be sad & be in my little box of misery until I was healed & me again. I am a firm believer in soaking in all of your sad feelings to properly heal, so I put me first..which I haven't done in a long, long time.
To all of last-half-of-2019 bride & grooms, you all were so patient & understanding of my situation, & for that I am grateful. I was very lucky to have you guys be so gracious to me, & I’m not worthy of it. I took entirely too long to edit your weddings, & to say I’m mad at myself for it is an understatement. I am so sorry & you know I always will be. Up until early 2019, I took major pride in delivering my galleries on time & even early…throughout 2019 was hard on me. I lost myself. I didn’t know why, but now I do.
Anxiety + resentment = unhappiness. When you’re unhappy, you slack…you start hating things. My business suffered because of it. My love of photography turned from passion into resentment. So I took a break…a break to figure everything out. Luckily, this break was nothing like Ross & Rachel (I had to slip in a “Friends” reference, hello, it’s me).
And I think I figured it out. The break is finally over.
I will no longer be doing local weddings after 2021, unless it’s an elopement/destination wedding. I will solely be focusing on families, couples, maternity, bo***ir & in-home sessions. That is where my heart is.
I will be posting A LOT to show you guys what I’ve done since January, there is SO much goodness I’ve never shared with any of you because I wasn’t sure where I stood with my photography during my break.
To everyone who’s been there for me & supported me & wrapped your arms around me — thank you, from the bottom of my heart…thank you.
So with all of that said…my books are open. I’m ready to dive back in & restart. I’m me again. I’m happy. Refreshed.
I can’t wait to see you all again & get you in front of my camera 🖤
To book a session with me, visit www.everandolive.com/contact (scroll to bottom), or email me directly at [email protected] 🖤
