11/05/2026
“Mawawalan na po ba ako ng trabaho?”
“Mommy, anong ulam?” This is Hailley’s first sentence almost every morning when she wakes up, which I unenthusiastically answer with “ewan ko,” “tanong mo sa Tito Pat mo,” or, if I know, I respond accordingly. A totally different scenario compared to when I was a child.
I grew up in a household where income may vary. Some days, we had enough food on our plates, and on other days, we needed to go to our auntie’s house so we would have something to eat. We are not from a well-off family, and my parents struggled to make both ends meet. I grew up in a family where farming, fishing, and building houses were the main sources of income. In short, pamilya ng masisipag.
My siblings and I were expected to help with all the household chores so that my parents could focus on earning money for the family. I guess somehow, we were the 4Ps of our generation, except that the only help we got from the government was a scholarship.
Asking that same question during my childhood was equivalent to getting scolded. Before we could eat breakfast, we had to make sure that we had already swept the backyard. And mind you, at that time, backyards were so HUGGGGEEE for a six-year-old child like me. We had to fetch water from the nearby deep well and fill all the containers in the kitchen and restroom. Hindi pa uso noon ang JETMATIC.
On Saturdays, we needed to start washing clothes by 7:00 AM. Washing machines were introduced much later, during my college years, so we had to time the drying of the clothes before noon. On school days, we had to wake up early so we could finish the chores before going to school.
We were expected to take care of our little sibling. While I could bring her with me, I felt that I couldn’t maximize my playtime because I needed to watch out for her from time to time. During summer days, we helped our grandfather dry harvested grains by scattering them on the road. We collected them before sunset or whenever we felt like it was about to rain. Drying the grains was intense labor. Only my male cousins enjoyed the task since they could play in the fields.
These were our early morning routines on a daily and weekly basis. We could only rest once all the chores were done, or at least once my parents confirmed that there was nothing else to do. I really didn’t like these chores in particular, but it was a way of being useful for the family.
Years later, in my adult life, that same mindset became deeply embedded in my nervous system, and only today was I able to notice it.
I am on leave after having a somewhat major surgery/operation. I had some discussions with my superior about how to go about that leave. I mean, I really need some non-physical distractions. She mentioned including my task as part of the scope of work of our third-party support. The original purpose was so I could focus on projects and deliverables with much higher value and a much bigger purpose.
While I understand it, somehow, I still feel useless. I feel that my value has decreased because a task will be transferred to another unit. Kaya ko naman kasi yung lahat. Need ko lang mag-extend ng working hours.
Now, I sit here thinking about why I think this way. Trying to understand where this mindset came from. Assessing if there’s still a need to behave this way. This behavior was unfortunately strengthened during my professional life.
Like me, a lot of people grew up or worked in environments where rest is treated like laziness, illness like inconvenience, and productivity becomes tied to worth. So when I need to stop, my nervous system interprets it as failure, even when my body is clearly asking for care.
The hard part is that this doesn’t stay as a belief only in the mind. It becomes physical. Guilt during rest (and I feel guilty for being guilty, lol). Anxiety when slowing down. The urge to “earn” recovery. In some businesses, it has become part of the culture to explain why you are sick or justify the need to rest.
Unconsciously, my childhood and professional life taught me that I didn’t deserve to rest until all work was done. I was conditioned this way for years, and only after my discussion with my superior (she wants me to take my leave and rest) and the letter written by my daughter (“I hope you allow yourself to rest, heal, and take things one day at a time”) did I realize that rest does not need to be earned.
I need to unlearn this kind of mindset and train my body to stop treating recovery as a threat. Yes, a threat.
I remember my response to my immediate superior when she gave me the plan:
“mawawalan na po ba ako ng trabaho?”
It was a joke, yes, but it was anxiety and threat disguised as a joke.
If you are someone who can relate, I say this to you: healing is not laziness, and needing rest is not a moral failure.
To the leaders who still see leave as an inconvenience, check yourselves. A workplace that cannot function when one person needs to rest is not efficient, it is fragile.
To my parents, I hope that by this time, you rest not only when you need to, but also when you want to.
To myself, I know how you treat your job as a puzzle and a challenge. I know how stimulating it is for you to gain both learnings and accomplishments, but for now, your body and mind need you. I know how adamant you are about doing the physical activities you love. Those activities are physically demanding, and you need to heal well first.
Kalmahan mo lang.
