Maybe i'll see the world for what it is

20/04/2025

There will come a time when I shall miss these days.

02/05/2024

If you left I always thought you'd say goodbye. Either in laughter or in pain we'd talk about if you'd have left, you'd leave a note. I didn't know that when you'd leave, you'd leave me prepared-- that each mention of you leaving was your way to wave farewell. Now I know, and it blindsided me. Cause you left and left me to think about the times when I thought you'd still have said goodbye.

20/04/2024

The social life is not for me. It is plain to see everyone claiming to be such, and I understand that I am most the same. I open my mouth, and the words that come out lack self-assuredness-- as if I am among an infinite assortment of beasts and knave whose tongues, destined not to speak but to hurt or otherwise keep shut, show a disdain for the proper and for the good.

I am sure I'm not alone. I am sure that per turn took teems with friends, foes, fights, and flights, and I am not alone. I can't handle them. I am sorry, not for me but for those who want to talk to me. You are welcome to be in my life, and I am sure to be welcome in yours, but I am everywhere and feel nowhere. I am within everyone, and no one is within me. I push people away, and for some reason, for some god-awful reason, I propel myself, my entire weight and body to-- "make it up to them," only to stay the same.

I don't pity myself. This is me, and I have to live with me.

lmoss

16/04/2024

Old habits die hard; a phrase whose meaning befits its overuse.
It feels as if the life I deserve to live is taken and strangled slowly, with each struggling breath just barely enough to keep it living a little longer, giving a little hope, one last final moment to fight, but in the end, the air expires, and there is nothing left. An old habit of mine is to recede into my room once and again; I gain nothing from it and I know I have much to do and much more I can do, but I feel as if there is a great gravity pulling me, like how the Moon orbits far from Earth but enough to keep it within it's grasp. An old habit that pulls me deep into the depths of procrastination and it seems there's no escape. Like how each and every day, the universe tries to take away what I am to be, an old habit that never dies.

lmoss

09/04/2024

I believed it was not possible to hold someone in such a high regard that they would define me more than I ever could. "I was my person," I thought– sheepishly following the path I thought I'd laid out for myself, a clear-cut road-- a small stream crossing. Trekking my way, as swimming clouds through thin air and stay-put trees passing would prove that this way would chip and chip through my very being, exposing this soul to the brutal world. I had not known I was a changed man by the time I'd lost sight of the swimming clouds and rooted trees.
Could I even call myself a man? The trek left me a hollow shell. I was an oyster waiting for my pearl, and it came. A woman, I cried out its name and seeing the pitch in my eye and the airiness of my voice-- entered within me and brought with her life and soul. How could I call myself its oyster when it alone could shine and produce a hundred more of its kind? How can I merely be an oyster when she had turned me into the most beautiful and pristine coral this reef houses? I owe this form to her-- and I am so so thankful. She found me through the ocean floor's vast swathes of sand and chose me out of all the shells, bones, and pebbles. I am glad to be her oyster, her coral, her pearl. When the ocean freezes, she'll still be the shine and glimmer I know her to be.

~lmoss

10/03/2024

17/02/2024

Never dwell

17/09/2023

I Wouldn't Mind // He Is We

16/09/2023

The Scientist // Coldplay