16/05/2022
I’m sorry, and I love you.
—
It’s the cycle of the Christian walk.
It starts with repentance, “I’m sorry.” This brings us to a relationship akin to both sonship and romance, where we taste and see God’s goodness as his children and as his bride (the church). It’s in this that we get to know him more intimately. We discover his beauty, his character, his love; and likely we fall deeper, “I love you.”
Suddenly, familiarity sets in.
We get comfortable in his acceptance and love. “He’ll accept me anyway, I can get away with it this one time.” The adulterer in us turns back to the ex-lover. The pleasures of sin suddenly taste so good. It doesn’t end in one time. And just like a parasite, sin takes more than it gives. So after the binge, we’re left empty, guilty, and ashamed.
But such is grace that God accepts us when we repent!
We say, “I’m sorry” and He welcomes us with open arms. He even prepares a feast! We bask in this grace and love. The intimacy sets in deeper. It feels permanent this time, “I love you.”
Yet the more we get to know him, the more we realize how sinful we are. We’re not necessarily doing what is wrong, but our hearts… Oh, our hearts are so fickle. “Woe is me!”
Why are our hearts so dirty? Satisfaction seems to only be found elsewhere. But we’ve tried what this world could offer and nothing ever satisfies! It feels confusing, frustrating and tiring all at once.
We fall back to sin, but our soul groans and fights against it. This time is different. There seems to be a stronger resolve to fight. We want to come back.
“I’m sorry. I love you. Please, help me.”
And just as faithfully as ever, he accepts us, reassures us of his love, guides us, and gives us the strength to endure.
So we endure.
For the rest of our days, we endure.
We wake up with fickle hearts, yet he is faithful.
We’re filled with doubt and fear, yet he is certain.
We don’t choose to love, yet he continues to love.
The cycle continues,
“I’m sorry. I love you.”