09/01/2024
Yesterday H. asked me to see the pictures I do for work. I was scrolling through this app, so we took a look at my account, and she saw that there was a caption next to each image and asked me what it said.
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Sometimes I write about her: the things she asks, the changes in our lives, how I face them, and how my perception of time, of life, evolves next to my motherhood journey. She got excited to hear these things and asked me to read only the captions where I mentioned her.
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And all of a sudden she got so melancholic that she even cried a bit and of course, asked new questions. I could write about how sensitive H. is, even songs make her cry.
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But this time, this caption is about me. Because I found myself again through my own words. I realized I had forgotten so many ordinary yet significant things that happened just a couple of years ago.
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I had something to say. Not only because I was more focused on the message I wanted to share as a brand, but because I was more focused on myself, my family, the need to soak up it all, and the awareness of the ordinary everyday things that will soon become memories.
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The last 2 years great things happened in my life, the last one was, in that sense, amazing. But I’ve been growing a burnout, had a few days in which I collapsed, weeks in which I couldn’t even reply to an email, little to no friends to talk to about this deeply, tones of guilt because I couldn’t be thankful enough, months without knowing what was going on with my brain.
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And now I’m wondering if perhaps it was just a matter of revisiting my own words and review my soul and brain from the better days, to find myself again. To rediscover not my why as a brand but my why as a person, as a mother, a wife, an immigrant, an artist.
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Because I’ve been looking for myself all this time, you bet I did. But I was looking outside.