12/04/2021
I've been called a failure all my life. I've failed people and mostly their expectations. I've failed love and all its games. Failed to understand where I stand in a world that only shouts. I remember class 12 vividly, my mom sitting in an open house getting bashed for my poor grades. Tear trickled down her face. I knew I had never faced failure this strong. I wished to be better and mend all that's gone. But life kept bringing me down and I was tagged a failure all along. The fear of failure is the worst, because it never pushes you further on.
I often catch myself asking this question, 'Where did I go wrong?' I also ask myself, have I done the best that I can in this situation? 'Best' to me means... Have I squeezed the hell and all the juices out of that experience? Can I honestly say that I've consumed it, breathed it, lived it, swam in it, turned my innards out for the experience of it? Have I discovered and learned more about me as I went through it?
And if the answer is YES! then I've succeeded truly for myself and on I move. But if I haven't given it all, I don't think I've failed even then.
Each time I wasn’t successful in achieving something, I also realized I was trying to achieve what others wanted from me. And failed in meeting their expectations. In this process I dont think I failed, I've just learned what not to do.
