18/08/2020
*LONG CAPTION ALERT*
I am a bit late with this post. Maybe over a few months but ah well. 🤷♀️
I had people ask me why I have been distant and not as active as before in my personal socials or why I have been ignoring them during lockdown.
That’s the thing. I haven’t. First, let’s talk about this pandemic and how it affected people’s mental health.
I will talk about my personal experience because everyone else’s journey is different. Struggling with your mental health is pretty normal for our generation, but with the current events rapidly happening is a bit inevitable to not get triggered by them. The life we are all used to is already gone. And yes, things are getting ‘back to normal’ but is that the normal we remember really? I will go back to when lockdown was announced. My first thought? I didn’t have one. Instead I got a panic attack, as if I swallowed something and it was stuck in my throat, unable to breathe for a few minutes. It wasn’t such a big deal but when you’re in your 20s in a different country than your family it hits you. I didn’t know what was going to happen with my job, my income, my flat, my friends. And my family 3k miles away from me where they handled things differently. Of course I would be concerned about their health and ways of survival at times like these.With so many things on my mind I feel like I was in the darkest place I have ever been in. And you know what? I am glad I was. Because this was such an important thing to happen, a series of events that helped me with with my personal growth. It changed my views and motives on life. It taught me gratitude and appreciation, it made me mindful and motivated me to be a better, healthier person. So the images above are taken at 3-4am on a random night in the month of May. They are not perfect but they represent how I was feeling at the time - sad, unsure, doubtful, unlovable, useless, lonely and self conscious. I embraced each one of those feelings and became a stronger individual. I still have bad days but don’t we all? I am more calm, I meditate every day. I am healthy and not struggling with my weight as much, I exercise every day and stay hydrated. I know my worth and I am here at this exact moment, at a point old me thought I’d never reach. And I am very grateful to be where I am now. So yes, I have not ignored anyone, I have not been distant.
I have detached and needed time to love myself again. And I don’t feel guilty about it.If you are struggling, please talk to someone and try self-care because you are the top priority. If you reached this point of the caption, thanks for reading my Ted talk, I appreciate your time. Hope everyone is safe and well! x