08/05/2025
This morning I found a video of myself in very early motherhood, belly & breasts swollen, ni***es bleeding, everything around me in disarray & I’m trying to breastfeed a screaming 3 week old baby Chloe whilst Rob films it for the lactation support worker.
And all of a sudden I was right back there. In the all consuming depths of postpartum & newborn life.
And it felt bittersweet to witness. At the time I felt like I was holding onto what it should look like to keep it all together but there were moments, particularly in the early months & our breastfeeding journey, that I found so hard.
I have no doubt that my reflections of early mothering will be read by so many of you nodding along, feeling a sense of solitude, relief, it’s all normal, thank god it wasn’t just me. Our struggles often go unseen & unspoken about.
Stepping into motherhood left me feeling so blindsided, I wish I’d known more of what to expect in terms of the nitty gritty hardness of it all. Perhaps I could’ve better equipped myself. I wish our society knew better how to treat a mother who is so raw & early in her journey. Less of getting round to hold the baby & more of how we can hold the mother. What I wish I could go back & say to myself now. I find it hard to look at that woman, existing, deer in headlights look on her face, floating above what was unfolding in those very early weeks & months. I’m very aware that in photos it can all look rosey & yes, capturing mothers & their children is something I’ll always be so passionate about.
But even more so the well-being & mental health of mothers. Mothers are the roots, if we nourish the roots we all grow & thrive.
There is so much to motherhood that is unseen or unspoken, a feeling at times that we can’t for fear of judgement, that we’re failing or ungrateful.
There is never any knowing where the journey of mothering will take us, but let’s normalise that the path isn’t always easy, that shadow & light co-exist.
Sending love to anyone on their own path, navigating the depths that motherhood holds, however that looks for you. You’re doing bloody amazing things ✨🫶🏻
