03/06/2020
VTO i ja. Online izložba fotografija.
IVF & me. Online photography exhibition
by Milović Kinolli photography and Maša Dragićević Photography
English below.
VTO (vantelesna oplodnja) podrazumeva uzimanje jajne ćelije iz tela žene, njenu oplodnju s***mom muškarca u laboratorijskim uslovima i vraćanje oplođene jajne ćelije ili embriona u matericu posle nekoliko dana od oplodnje.
Ono što ne čujete često jeste: Vantelesna oplodnja je poslednja stanica.
To je mesto na koje dođete posle dugog niza godina borbe za potomstvo. To je poslednja nada i mesto na kojem ćete se konačno ostvariti kao roditelji i dobiti svoje dugo željeno dete. Ili, naprotiv - nećete.
Neplodnost je još uvek tabu. O tome se ne govori dovoljno niti u javnosti, niti u ličnom okruženju.
Pritisak je sveprisutan. Žene uglavnom žive pod pritiskom porodice, okoline i društva da moraju da se ostvare kao biološke majke, jer su u suprotnom manje vredne. Nebitne. Nerotkinje. Jalove.. Muškarci nisu muškarci ako ne mogu da naprave dete.. Nemanje zajedničke dece je, za neke parove, razlog za razvod.
Neplodnost je surova, jer morate da krijete i glumite da ste ok, iako to niste. Jer vas svaka trudna žena i majka s detetom boli. Znate i sami da to nije u redu, ali ste nemoćni. Pored svega toga - konstantno tragate za rešenjem i tu su razni: doktori, specijalisti, bapski lekovi, google, čajevi, molitve, horoskopi, svete vodice, saveti prijatelja, meditacije, VTO..
Prošla sam kroz 3 pokušaja vantelesne oplodnje. Sva tri su rezultirala trudnoćom, koja se na kraju završavala spontanim pobačajem.
Svaki spontani pobačaj je smrt.
Smrt, nakon koje nema sahrane ni oproštaja. To morate sami. To što ste i dalje napumpani hormonima dok se opraštate sa svojim nerođenim detetom - ne pomaže, već celu stvar čini šizofrenom. A onda i ljudi oko vas počinju da uviđaju da nešto nije u redu, no vrlo često ne znaju šta vam se u stvari dešava i ne vide da se alarm uključio.
Fotografije su autobiografske i dokumentarne, a nastale tokom mog poslednjeg pokušaja VTO. Taj gubitak je bio najbolniji. Ta bol me je slomila, razgolitila i na kraju osvestila, inspirisala, dala snagu i hrabrost da ispričam svoju priču kroz objektiv.
Otvorena sam za diskusiju, razgovore, deljenje i privatne poruke, jer znam da ćete se prepoznati unutar svake napisane reči i unutar svake fotografije.
Svim parovima koji su trenutno u borbi za potomstvo želim da poručim da niste sami, ali u isto vreme ne dozvolite da u toj borbi izgubite sebe ili jedno drugo, neka ta borba i želja bude samo vaša bez pritiska sredine, društva, patrijarhata, čega god.. jer postoje i drugi načini da se postane roditelj.
Suprug i ja smo pre mesec dana upisani u registar usvojitelja i čekamo svoje dete.
Važno je glasnogovoriti, jer…
Svaka priča o neplodnosti je važna.
Svaka priča o neplodnosti je jedinstvena.
Ovo je moja.
VTO i ja.
Fotografija:
Milović Kinolli photography i Maša Dragićević Photography
English:
IVF (in vitro fertilization) – implies taking an egg from a woman's body, fertilizing it with a man's s***m in laboratory conditions and returning the fertilized egg or embryo to the uterus a few days after fertilization took place.
What you don’t hear often is: in vitro fertilization is ’’the last stop’’.
It’s a place you come to after a long battle to naturally conceive. It’s your last hope and a place where you have a chance for a child you are both longing for. Or to fail.
Infertility is still a taboo. It is not spoken enough about in public spaces, nor in a more personal environment.
The pressure is omnipresent. Most of the time women feel the pressure imposed by their family members and society, where both dictate the necessity that you have to become biological mothers, because otherwise you are less important. Irrelevant. Infertile. Barren.. Men are not real men if they are not able to make a child.. Not having children is, for some couples, a reason for separation.
Infertility can be cruel, because you have to hide and act like everything is okay, even though it’s not. Even though every pregnant woman and a mother with a child makes you ache. And even though you know it’s not right - you are powerless in front of that feeling. Among all of that – a constant search for solutions, including: doctors, specialists, grandma’s medicines, google, teas, prayers, horoscopes, holy waters, friends’ advice, meditations, IVF..
I went through 3 different attempts of IVF. All of them resulted in pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage.
Every miscarriage equals death.
Death, after which there is no funerals or goodbyes. You just have to deal with it on your own. The fact you are still full of hormones while saying goodbye to your unborn child does not help, it makes the whole situation even more schizophrenic. And then people start to notice something is not right but quite often they are not aware of what is happening to you, also not being able to see that your alarm went on.
These photographs are autobiographic and documentary, made during my last IVF attempt. That loss was the hardest. The pain I felt broke me, stripped me and, at the end, made me aware, inspired, gave me strength and courage to tell my story through the camera lenses.
I am open for discussion, talks, sharing and private messages, because I know you will find yourself among every written word and within every photograph.
To all couples that are currently in a process of having a child I want to say that you are not alone, but at the same time don’t allow yourselves to be lost or to lose touch with your partner. Let that fight and desire to conceive be only yours, without taking the burden of society, your environment, patriarchy, whoever and whatever.. because there are other ways to become a parent.
Since one month ago my husband and I are enlisted in the Adoption Registry, and we are waiting for our child.
It’s important to speak loud and clear, because…
Every story about infertility is important.
Every story about infertility is unique.
This one is mine.
IVF and me.
Photography:
Milica Milović Kinoli i Maša Dragićević
