10/01/2026
1. Having 75 fu***ng speeches.
This is a wedding, not a TED Talk marathon. Pick a few people. Give them a time limit. Save us.
2. Getting married for the photos and the “content.”
If you’re choosing what happens on your wedding day based on how it’ll perform in a Reel, we have officially lost the fu***ng plot.
3. Bridesmaids all having to wear the exact same dress.
Pick a vibe. Let your friends wear something they actually feel hot in. Matchy matchy is eww.
4. Ceremonies all about “becoming one person”
Eeeeehhhh. No.
You’re building something together. You do not need to surrender your entire individuality.
5. Making your wedding party stand beside you for the entire ceremony.
They’ve done enough. Give them a chair. Let them watch. Let them stop wondering what the f**k to do with their hands.
6. Disappearing for two hours after your ceremony for photos.
Absolutely not. Give me 20–30 minutes, some good light and a vibe. Then GO ENJOY THE MASSIVELY EXPENSIVE PARTY YOU PAID FOR.
7. Receiving lines.
Nothing screams romance like creating a human traffic jam where 130 people individually tell you “beautiful ceremony.”
8. Having a gigantic wedding party. Or honestly… having one at all.
Have two. Have one. Have none. Your friends will survive without the matching outfit.
9. Waiting until the ceremony to see each other.
Get ready together. Have breakfast. Do a first look. Hang the f**k out. The aisle moment will still be special.
10. Spending your entire wedding day trying to make your wedding perfect.
Your dress will get dirty. Someone will be late. Your hair might get f**ked up. Dinner might run 20 minutes behind. The weather might do whatever the hell it wants.
And after 400+ weddings, wanna know what almost nobody remembers?
Any of that s**t.
They remember laughing until they cried.
Grandma losing her mind on the dance floor.
Being surrounded by every person you love.
Your wedding is not a production you have to successfully execute.
It’s a fu***ng party celebrating the fact that you found your person.
Act accordingly. 🫡
