01/04/2026
**BREAKING NEWS** Grande Prairie to introduce variable speed limits
Grande Prairie council has found a unique solution to speeding vehicles along 100 Ave. and is introducing variable speed limits in the downtown core, effective April 1.
Speed limits will change depending on the time of day and the type of vehicle driven.
“Some people wanted higher speed limits, others wanted lower speed limits downtown,” said the mayor.
“The only democratic thing to do was make everyone happy and enforce variable speed limits.”
The speed limit for most passenger vehicles will be 50 km/hr from 5 a.m. to 8:30 a.m., and then from 8:30 a.m. to 9:15 a.m., the speed limit will increase to 100 km/hr so people can make it to work on time.
The mayor and councillors believe this will have an invaluable economic benefit, potentially in the billions.
Then, from 9:15 a.m. to noon, the speed limit drops to 7 km/hr; from noon to 1 p.m., it increases to 80 km/hr during the lunch rush.
From 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., the road will be closed so office workers and shopkeepers can have a siesta after the lunchtime hustle and bustle.
At 3 p.m., it's an autobahn, go as fast as you want or can, council understands parents need to pick up children from school and get them to after- school care as quickly as possible without their employers noticing, so speed as you need to do so.
Exempt from the variable speed limits are diesel trucks that coal-roll their way through the downtown core, because nothing says northern pride like the smell of black smoke coming from a diesel truck.
A surprising addition to variable speed limits was that speed limits would also be enforced upon pedestrians.
A pedestrian in the downtown core will need to sprint from 8:30 a.m. to 10 a.m.
For downtown pedestrians from 10 a.m. to noon, only silly walks will be permitted, and from noon to 2:15 p.m., leisurely jogging only. From 2:15 p.m. to 4:27 p.m., pedestrians can only walk backwards.
The Grande Prairie Rowdy Wranglers, the new municipal police, say they are ready to enforce the new bylaw strictly.
Recruits are also being trained in acceptable silly walks and how to chase perps while walking backwards.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, Happy April Fools.
