08/11/2021
Grit. Fortitude. Perseverance. Autonomy.
These words had definitions in the dictionary, but knowing the meaning and living the meaning are 2 separate things.
Over the past 17.5 weeks (yes that’s longer than 75 days) I learned to live the meaning. Learned to develop true discipline.
My first attempt at started on July 5th. I learned a lot in the first 37 days. I had learned that I gave myself a lot of leeway in my actions. Allowing myself to do yoga at 12am after work for a second workout and sacrificing sleep. Taking a picture whenever I could remember. 7am, 11am, 4pm…
This had all been working until day 38. When I didn’t take my progress picture. And on day 39 I asked myself “What do I do now?”
I scrambled through my photos to see if I had taken a picture the day before, any picture that could be worthy of being called a progress picture. None.
I could have easily taken a picture that morning, I mean realistically I didn’t look any different from the day before. I thought about how no one would even know..
But someone would know… I would know. And I knew if I knew, it would be just another lie that I tell myself. Another “you’re good enough where you are”, another “this doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme”, another “this will make me feel better”
This program was supposed to be teaching me not to lie to myself, yet I still had the urge.
Even my peers said “It’s just a picture.” “You’re working out twice a day and you’re counting messing up as not taking a picture?”
This is when I knew my mind was changing. I knew 99% of people would have either gave up or lied to themselves and kept “going forward” with their program.
Me… it was back to Day 1. Not later, not in a week. That day. Day “39” was now Day 1.
Guess what? Not a week later.. I failed. I didn’t take a picture like a stupid ass. Another dumb mistake. And another restart.
3 days later, I couldn’t get it through my hard head that I needed a routine. I needed to build a honor system to follow every day. I failed. Progress picture.
Continued in comments.
