21/08/2026
“Of lAtE I tHiNk oF RiChArD vErTiCaL…”
Richard Vertical was born suddenly - backstage to two travelling vaudevillians (Percy and Maud) - and, by all accounts, entered the world at a slight angle.
Richard Vertical suffered horrendous vertigo - and at twelve, tired of stairs, spills, and general sidewaysness - Constructed the “EQUILIBRIMISER” - a peculiar apparatus designed to put himself, once and for all, the right way up.
It worked rather better than expected.
For years he refined his unique abilities in private, until announcing his first touring production:
“RICHARD VERTICAL’S VERTICAL PERSPECTIVE SPECTACLE!”
(An Evening of Astonishing Angles, Perpendicular Perils & Other Feats of Questionable Orientation!)
Richard was due to unveil himself before a captive audience on the evening of the 17th of April.
He never arrived.
Somewhere between stations, Richard Vertical disappeared from a locked railway carriage containing his luggage, seventeen audio tapes, and one perfectly ordinary ceiling.
The window was not left open.