19/03/2023
❤️
I originally shared this post just over a year ago, but after witnessing a certain event earlier this week, I was reminded of the critical importance of this message. It remains applicable for everyone working with kids and teens in any way. And it always will.
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Dear School Sports Coach
I wonder if you know your power...
Decades from now, you may not remember the kids in your team, but I can promise you, they will remember you. Your influence in their lives, one way or another, will continue.
Just a few reminders:
You don’t make children do better by making them feel worse. The worse we feel, the worse we do. Simple. You do the maths.
You don’t build strengths by criticizing weaknesses. Studies have been done on this. When the focus is on building strengths, weaknesses improve naturally.
Balls WILL be dropped. Shots WILL be missed. Off days, for all of us, are normal. We’re human, we all make mistakes. Mistakes are our greatest teachers. Every single one of us know when we’ve messed up and we feel bad enough. Our kids don’t need to be made to feel worse.
Encouragement, not criticism, is what helps any of us do better the next time.
You don’t produce a winning team by
instilling fear into them. No one, absolutely no one, can do their best or improve any skill, whatsoever, when brains are operating in fear. We rise by lifting others, not by slamming their efforts to the ground, however inferior these may seem in your perspective.
Children will do their best for a coach they respect and admire. Focus on getting to really know the kids in your team and build a relationship with them. You’ll see amazing things happen on the score board.
Sport is not just about winning. And when you keep hammering that skewed perspective to kids, you really take all the joy out of it. Of course we all love winning, but who wants to play a sport when there’s no fun in it. Winning is the byproduct of a great team. Great teams are built through great relationships with great coaches. Try be great. Please just try.
You don’t improve performance by sarcasm and cutting comments. There are only three reasons that anyone uses sarcasm- insecurity, social awkwardness and hidden anger issues. Please redirect these personal challenges. None of them should be directed at children.
It takes very few words to break the kids in your team down. Your tone and body language are powerful too. Words can inspire or they can destroy. If destruction is your goal, you are definitely in the wrong profession.
You don’t encourage high performance through shouting and belittling. No one has ever walked past a room where someone is shouting and thought, “Wow, they’ve got this under control.” Shouting is only a sign of how OUT of control you actually are. Try building a relationship with your team first. I promise you, they’ll be far more likely to “hear” what you’re asking them to do in the first place.
Please, please, recognize your power as a team leader. Side note: A leader is so much more than a person in authority.
If you absolutely can’t stop yourself from doing these things, then please stop working with children and go and work on yourself first. Breaking others down, especially children is only an indication of tremendous personal brokenness. Please recognize the need for your own healing first.
And to those phenomenal coaches, and there are so many of you, who lead by example, who teach mightily through encouragement, who understand that patience is powerful, who know that the most effective motivator in any situation is a relationship, on behalf of children and teens everywhere, thank you for the incredible difference that you are making.
“A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life.” (John Woodent)
- Naomi Holdt
