15/03/2022
The other night, as I lay in bed, I tried to conjure up an image of God as both Father and Mother. Being God, there is no clarity to that conjuring, but the point was that for a few minutes as I lay in bed, I wanted to surrender being in charge and fall into a few blissful moments of being The Child. I wanted to offer the reigns and just be held and told that I am loved and that someone else has got this.
What I realised is that it's not healthy to infantilise myself. I think this is one of the sticky sweet poisons the church has fed me; “Let go and Let God” is a famous church saying. As I felt figuratively held by parents god, what I heard whispered was, “You are enough. You already have what you need because we have already given it to you.”
“You don’t need us to take away your agency.”
As I surrender to this truth, I feel a release of my shoulders.
My whole life, I’ve felt like there is a problem in me and a solution “out there” if I could only find it- seek it with my whole heart.
The truth I heard in parent god’s arms is that I’ve got it the wrong way around. There are problems out there, but the solutions are already inside of me. I am the solution, not just the problem.
Approaching it this way means I don’t have to give up my agency and infantilise myself. Instead, it gives me the strength I need to be gentle. The world and its problems will always be there, but I don’t have to internalise them. I can come home to my own body, soul, and mind knowing that the answers are already there within me, in communion with the creator God.
That feels like peace in a turbulent time.
What answers are you searching for “out there” that maybe you already have the solution within?
PS- My working title for my book before I published it was “The Solution Within”! 😲 It kind of feels like it’s come full circle. If you would like a copy of The Origins of Creativity, DM or follow the links in the bio.
