04/01/2022
On November 30th I started having cramps. I went to the emergency room and was told that everything was fine and that it was perfectly normal to have some cramping, I was 18 weeks pregnant. The next day my doctor wanted me to come in so he could check himself that everything was okay. I remember being so exhausted from being at the emergency room all night and wondering if it was really worth it to drive all the way to another doctor. I remember calling my mom and she said that i should listen to the doctor and start driving. We waited in the waiting room for over thirty minutes. We played on our phones and looked at funny dated parenting magazines when we heard our names being called in. I was told to undress and put on a hospital gown. I
remember sighing deeply and I slowly pulled off my sweatshirt with my pajamas on underneath and thinking about where we should pick up lunch. I laid on the cold table as the doctor checked my cervix. I was excited to hear the heartbeat again. I closed my eyes while i listened. The room was so quiet and i opened my eyes to see my doctors face - he was cold and direct - we need to get you into surgery, your water bag is slipping out of your cervix. I couldn’t comprehend what that even meant. My cervix was opening and I was going into labor without any pain. I got into a wheel chair and was told I could not stand up. I was carried into a hospital bed and had a catheter inserted. The doctor said he try to do everything he could but it was not looking good. They wheeled me back to surgery and as I was about to be put to sleep, I realized that when I woke up, I would know if my baby was okay. The nurse must have seen the fear in my eyes, she stroked my head and held my hand. I started to cry, I wanted just a few more minutes of my baby in my belly before i had to close my eyes.
It will be okay, you are okay, it will be okay
she said as my eyes closed.
I woke up in a strange panic. I almost forgot where I was or what had happened. I was too afraid to touch my stomach…. Cont. in next post