08/02/2020
I guess life update is due.
I have stopped posting to my instagram for quite a while. And it took me a very long time to return to my older posts and actually do some “house cleaning” to understand why I even started this account and what this whole thing is about.
I realize that I have a rather large audience that i hope enjoys my creative eye, but also reads into my writing. (Thank you for sticking it out with me through a few years of bare minimum on my part.)
And the writing part, (actually it was re-reading my own posts) is what made me decide to come back to this and to tell a story, after all, it is a “Word (story)_on_Adventure.
From the inception, this account was a way of coping with a difficult break up.
The idea was to continue doing what I did well, and felt the most happiest doing (adventuring and photographing). Always searching for connection through my photos and things I wrote under them.
A lot of my posts conveyed a message of being lonely and struggling. Eventually I hit a point at which I no longer wanted to adventure alone (without a parter), and I stopped doing so, replacing my free time with partying and working.
It took years of justifying to myself, my family, and friends, why I am no longer taking photos, why I am not going on 5 hour one way road trips to photograph ONE thing I had in my mind, why I am not inspiring people to be creative and see the beauty in this world.
So, what changed?
I have made a decision after returning from Burning Man 2018 to move back to Seattle and be closer to my family.
The transition was difficult. I hated my new job. So after 6 months working in it, I took 2 months of Leave of Absence and ended up quitting after.
I had no real plan what I would do but I needed rest.
I did get some rest and for the first time in a while felt ALIVE (Spring 2019).
But I also could not allow myself not to have a job and not have a plan, so I looked up a position to what I though would be an ideal career with my knowledge, and I ended up finding a local company who hired me within a week of me applying (and I LOVE it there).
Shortly after I turned 30 years old. And almost as if by some predetermined gesture, I happened to meet Callie, and we quickly ended up in a relationship.
I always struggled with relationships before, because I treated them as a tool for understanding myself. Very few women had the patience to allow me to articulate all of my thoughts to them, in order for me to hear myself say it, process and grow upon.
Callie turned out to be the perfect parter, who learned and adapted to me, and through that, allowed me to grow, and after that help her and others grow.
All of these things were difficult to see in the process. But when I took a pause and saw my life a front of me (the “shift” started happening at Palouse Waterfalls), i clearly saw that I have been really lonely and depressed all these years without someone to love and someone to love me. So, finding that person, and living in it for a few months really woke me up to be alive and happy
..I guess I am going to start posting more photos and writings again, with a different (less begging for love and attention) message 😊