04/27/2026
βI would never.β
βShe doesnβt respect herself.β
βMy significant other/partner/spouse would be pissed.β
βI could never let them.β
βShe has no morals.β
At ten years old I started hating and comparing my body to the other girls at school. I thought I was fat, when in reality, I was tall and thin with gorgeous long, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Into my teens, doctors had said that I was perfectly proportioned, yet I didnβt feel it. My thighs were fat, my chest was flat, and I wanted badly to have the confidence in a two piece bathing suit and belly shirt like it looked like my friends had.
I didnβt just one day think negatively of myself. It was slowly learned over the first decade of my life. Women were supposed to be skinny and beautiful. I watched my mom drink Diet Pepsi, eat Snackwells, and cover herself up at the pool. She never once enforced that I needed to be skinny, but I still saw how she reacted to her own body.
Every decade or so, we all naturally look back at pictures of ourselves and wish we had realized how good we actually looked compared to now, and weβd give anything have it back. In ten years from now weβll do the same. If we know this, why arenβt we enjoying and appreciating our bodies now?
I started taking self portraits of myself in 2017/2018 in the height of an abusive relationship. Never n**es. Never too much skin. He wouldnβt have allowed that. I cringe at how I allowed that man any access to me.
After I left, a new found world of freedom, creativity, self exploration, and confidence was stowed upon myself. My attire significantly changed into what I had always wanted to wear but was too insecure to, and I didnβt care if people didnβt like it. Itβs turns out that people really did, and to this day I am complimented on my style. Iβm not even sure what style that is exactly.
Shortly after, I explored semi n**e and n**e self photography. I dabbled a little in my 20s, but my god, what would people think if they saw them back then?! That was in a time where social media barely existed. Instagram has opened up many artists to their true form now.
I get questioned and criticized occasionally for sharing my body. Even when areas are blurred. How could I possibly be comfortable with it? Arenβt I worried what others think or might do with my photos? What might a significant other think, if they would even want someone who everyone can look at? I must have no morals and zero self respect. In fact, I have a lot. They are just different than yours. That doesnβt make them wrong or bad. Iβve also dated some good men who loved and supported my art.
I see my body; every body as art.
I see that 10 year old girl who once hated every inch of her skin and didnβt deserve to feel that way about herself.
I see looking back on today in ten years elated that I had the confidence to document a body that I will never see in its exact form again.
Maybe you donβt want to be reminded of your younger body, or photograph it, and thatβs okay. But just because you wouldnβt, doesnβt mean that others shouldnβt.
Thus, the world we live in today.
