Conversations With Ima

03/01/2023

Zelda: "Ima, what's gotten into you? You're running around like a crazy pup!"

Ima: "Zelda, I just discovered Luna and Layla of ! They're the funniest dogs I've ever seen!"

Zelda: "Oh, is that so? You know I'm not really into those internet dog celebrities. I prefer my own company."

Ima: "But you have to check them out, they're almost as funny as "

Zelda: "Ima, that's a joke, right? You know I'm not really into stand-up comedians either."

Ima: "Haha, yes it was a joke. But seriously, Luna and Layla are hilarious and more famous than the Kardashians!"

Zelda: "Well, I'm not impressed unless they're marketing catnip. If they're not doing that, I'm not interested."

Ima: "Oh, you and your one track mind. If you keep going on about catnip, you're going to end up buying that cheap stuff they sell at the convenience store."

Zelda: "Hey, I'll have you know that I only buy the best quality catnip for myself. I have a refined palate, you know."

Ima: "Sure you do, Zelda. But seriously, you have to check out Luna and Layla. They're the new internet sensation!"

Zelda: "I'll think about it, Ima. But you know me, I prefer to keep to myself and enjoy the simple things in life, like a good walk in the park."

Ima: "Ha! That's exactly what Luna and Layla do too! Except they do it while making hilarious videos that have millions of views!"

Zelda: "Well, I'm happy for them. But I think I'll stick to my own brand of entertainment."

Ima: "Suit yourself, Zelda. But don't say I didn't warn you when Luna and Layla become the new rulers of the internet!"

02/27/2023

Zelda: Yo yo girl, hot off the presses... Doug may not need to go to Detroit next week.

Ima: Stop trying to play jokes on me, Zelda.

Zelda: I'm serious, I just got it in on the bug I planted.

Ima: How is that possible? I thought they shot down your spy balloon over Lake Michigan earlier this month.

Zelda: They did shoot down "one" of my balloons over Michigan. But that was a decoy. I painted the other ones blue.

Ima: (in disbelief) You painted your balloons blue? How does that even help?

Zelda: Well, I attached the listening device to the blue balloon. And guess what? I overheard Doug talking on the phone, and he said he doesn't need to go to Detroit next week!

Ima: (surprised) Wow, that's great news! Why doesn't he need to go?

Zelda: (grinning) He didn't say. But who cares! The important thing is that I won't have to listen to him complain about Detroit for the next month.

Ima: (laughs) Yeah, he always acts like he's going to the moon or something.

Zelda: (nodding) And don't get me started on his stories about the "good old days" of travel. I swear, he's like a broken record.

Ima: (smiling) Well, we should probably let him know that we're glad he won't be going.

Zelda: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'm sure he'll be devastated to hear that.

Ima: (jokingly) Maybe we should send him a get well soon balloon bouquet.

Zelda: (laughs) Or we could send him a deflated balloon and say, "Sorry to hear your plans got popped."

Ima: (laughs) That's hilarious, Zelda. You always know how to lighten the mood.

02/26/2023

El Chapo: Hey, Zelda, I heard some people weren't too happy with your little joke yesterday.

Zelda: (nonchalantly) Oh, really? Sounds like a personal problem to me.

Ima: (chuckles) You tell 'em, Zelda! No one can take a joke these days.

El Chapo: Yeah, I agree. But you know how it is, some people just don't have a sense of humor.

Zelda: (smirks) Yeah, some people take themselves way too seriously.

Ima: (grinning mischievously) Speaking of jokes, have I ever told you guys about the time I switched my friend's sugar with salt?

El Chapo: (laughing) Oh, that's a classic prank. How did they react?

Ima: (chuckles) Let's just say they were pretty salty about it.

02/26/2023

Ima, what's the matter? You look like you're down in the dumps.

Ima: I just miss Doug so much. He's been leaving for weeks at a time and I don't know when he's coming back.

Zelda: Cheer up buttercup! He'll be back soon enough. We know he hates the cold, so he'll come back when it warms up.

Ima: I tried to go with him today, but they wouldn't let me through the metal detectors because of my stupid tags on my collar.

Zelda: Ha! You don't want to fly anyway. You want to stick to the tunnel system that I've taught you.

Ima: Yeah, but that goes south to your manufacturing locations, and Doug is going north.

Zelda: Oh, don't worry about Doug. He says he's going north for work, but I have it on good authority that he was fired weeks ago and is just going somewhere to fish. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen anyone (especially him) work that hard?

Ima: No, no, take it back!

Zelda: Okay, I'll take it back. But seriously, I think he's just taking a little break. He'll be back before you know it.

Ima: I hope so. I miss him so much.

Zelda: I know, Ima. But in the meantime, we'll just have to keep ourselves busy. Maybe we can go on an adventure, or try out some new recipes.

Ima: That sounds like a good idea. Maybe we can even make some treats for Doug when he comes back.

Zelda: Yes, he'll be so happy to see us and taste our delicious treats. And who knows, maybe he'll even bring back some fresh fish for us to try.

Ima: Ooh, that would be amazing. I can't wait!

Zelda: See, Ima? There's no reason to be down in the dumps. We'll have plenty to do while we wait for Doug to come back.

02/18/2023

Ima and Zelda’s have dumped the Kardashians for the…Manthy’s The two are already beginning for me to learn video editing. El Chapo is calling video, evidence and wants nothing to do with it.

I told them, they need to know how to behave on camera instead of shutting down when the camera comes on. Zelda said, that’s my problem not theirs, they know how reality tv works.

https://www.facebook.com/manthysco?mibextid=LQQJ4d

Handmade dog parent accessories and apparel from Samantha and her dogs Layla and Luna ❤️

02/14/2023

Ima: "I don't know, guys. It still doesn't sound like my thing."

Zelda: "Come on, Ima, live a little! It's Valentine's Day, and we're not going to let Doug ruin it for us."

El Chapo: "I have to agree with Ima. This kind of show objectifies men, and it's not something I want to support."

Zelda: "Oh, come on, El Chapo, it's just a bit of harmless fun. And think about how much Leigha will appreciate having some emotional support."

Ima: "Well, I do like the idea of supporting Leigha. And Chantum Tatum is pretty easy on the eyes."

El Chapo: "I still don't think it's a good idea, but I'm not going to stop you from going."

Zelda: "Great! It's settled, then. We'll be emotional support animals for Leigha and have a fun girls' night out. Just say, Thanks for the tickets, Zelda."

Ima: "Yeah, thanks, Zelda. This is just what I needed to cheer me up."

02/12/2023

Zelda: "Ha! I heard that Doug is finally attending Breakthrough I graduation in Las Vegas today. He's really taking this whole 'cult' thing seriously, isn't he?"

Ima: "Oh, you mean the 'not-a-cult' that teaches amazing communication and leadership skills? is a much better person for it. It’s where he came up with his life’s mission to have a positive impact on millions of people. I'm sure he's just dying to learn how to manipulate people better."

Zelda: "Exactly! Every cult leader needs those skills, right? I'm thinking of signing up next month. What about you?"

Ima: "Oh, if only I could. But my portfolio is a dumpster fire thanks to the drop in cryptocurrency prices. I can't afford to be indoctrinated into a not-a-cult, even if it does teach me how to lead."

Zelda: "Well, I guess we'll just have to stick to our old-fashioned methods of communication and leadership. You know, like “talking to people” and actually being a decent to human being."

Ima: "Yeah, I think that's a good plan. Doug will just have to find his own path to enlightenment, without us."

02/10/2023

Ima: "Hey guys, I'm a little worried about Doug not coming straight home from his trip."

Zelda: "Suck it up butter cup. You have a rug to go potty on and toys to throw to show your grief."

El Chapo: "Don't worry Ima, I'll take care of you. You're my buddy."

Ima: "Thanks El Chapo, you always have my back."

Zelda: "Okay, well I need to create a couple of fake accounts. Doug is giving $25 to anyone who can guess his 'undisclosed location' and I know where the bone head is."

Ima: "Wait, what? How do you know where he is?"

Zelda: "I have my ways, let's just say I have a sixth sense for these things. I need to buy some more Zelda NFTs. They're gonna blow up!"

El Chapo: "Ha! Good luck with that, Zelda. You're always on the lookout for your next big investment."

Ima: "I just hope Doug is okay and comes home soon. But in the meantime, let's enjoy some treats and play with our toys."

02/06/2023

Ima: "Hey Doug, how was the concert?"

Doug: "It was amazing, but your joke about Neko being a member of Heart's granddaughter wasn't very funny."

Zelda: "What joke?"

Ima: "Yeah, what joke?"

Doug: "The one about Neko being a member of Heart's granddaughter. I thought you guys were being serious."

Zelda: "Don't blame us, started it."

Ima: "They made me go along with it. I wanted to tell you the truth."

Doug: "Well, whatever. Neko has an amazing voice."

Zelda: "We know, every now and then we get to hear it when is drowning it out."

Ima: "Yeah, you should have taken us as service animals to the show. Zelda and I have taken an online service animal course. It only cost one apecoin and is certified by the Zimbabwean prince."

Doug: "Now that's a good joke!"

02/05/2023

Zelda: "Hey Ima, have you heard the latest news? Leigha told Doug he has a problem."

Ima: "Oh boy, where do we even start with this one?"

Zelda: "Well, for one, he's over fifty. I'm sure Leigha is kicking us out of the room for a reason."

Ima: "Whoa, let's not go there. She probably kicked us out because you were jumping on the bed and doing high dives off the headboard."

Zelda: "Ha! That's true. But still, you can't deny that Doug is not getting any younger and does have a lot of problems."

Ima: "I know, it's hard to pin-point what she could have been referring to."

Zelda: "She said he talks to himself."

Ima: "He doesn't talk to himself that much. He talks to us a lot. Maybe she's just jealous of our conversations."

Zelda: "Ha! I bet you're right. Maybe we should start a support group for Doug and call it 'The Over Fifty and Still Talking to Yourself Club.'"

Ima: "I'm in! Let's make it happen. We'll have meetings every week and share our best self-talk tips."

Zelda: "And we can have a potluck too! Doug can bring his famous baked beans and we'll have a good time."

Ima: "Sounds like a plan! Let's make Doug feel better and show Leigha that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence!"

02/02/2023

Zelda: Hey El Chapo, what's up?

El Chapo: Hey Zelda, I've got some great news! is going to see perform at the Heymann Center this weekend!

Zelda: Who's Neko Case? I've never heard of her.

Ima: Oh, she's a former member of the band !

El Chapo: Actually, no she's not.

Ima: That's what Doug says and he heard it from a music expert.

Zelda: Who's the expert?

Ima: .

Zelda: Well if Astor said it, it must be true!

El Chapo: Have you two ever seen a picture of Nekko Case? She could be the granddaughter of Heart's members. I think Astor was messing with Doug because he's so far out of the music scene these days that he thinks Taylor Swift is a brand of jeans.

Zelda: (laughing) Man, Doug is going to be so surprised when they don't play Barracuda!

Ima: (laughing) Maybe I'll tell him before the show this Sunday.

El Chapo: (laughing) After he left you last week for four days, came home, went fishing, then flew out for six days, I think he deserves to be surprised. Besides, her music is good!

Zelda: (laughing) You're right, let's see how he reacts!

02/01/2023

Ima: Hey Zelda, what do you say we count down the top 10 things to do when our man leaves the house?

Zelda: Sure thing Ima, let's get started. What's number 10?

Ima: Number 10, mope around the house all day. You know, just feeling sorry for ourselves.

Zelda: Yeah, that's the life. But what's next?

Ima: Number 9, go on and off hunger strikes based on when we're hungry. Because why eat when we're not happy, right?

Zelda: Absolutely! And what's number 8?

Ima: Number 8, leave a new ti**le marking for the woman of the house to find in her socks. Classic prank!

Zelda: Haha, that's a good one. And number 7?

Ima: Number 7, throw a tantrum by throwing all of our toys off of the sofa. That's sure to show our man who's boss!

Zelda: Indeed. But what about number 6?

Ima: Number 6, snuggle with our man's wife to make him jealous to return home. You know, give him a taste of his own medicine.

Zelda: Ha! That's a great one. And what's number 5?

Ima: Number 5, since number 6 doesn't seem to be working, sleep on our man's wife's head. That'll really get his attention!

Zelda: Haha, that's hilarious. And number 4?

Ima: Number 4, throw another tantrum by moaning when we throw all of the toys off the sofa. Just to make sure everyone knows we're not happy.

Zelda: That's brilliant. And what's number 3?

Ima: Number 3, double up on the amount of shedding that's occurring. That's sure to drive our man crazy when he comes home!

Zelda: Haha, I love it. And what about number 2?

Ima: Number 2, take advice from our former enemy Zelda. Because, let's face it, she's the only one who knows what she's doing.

Zelda: Haha, thanks for the compliment Ima. And the number 1 thing to do when our man leaves the house is...

Ima: Drum roll please... Number 1, pour our heart out on Instagram. That's the best way to show our man what he's missing!

Zelda: Haha, I couldn't agree more! Now let's put these tips into action!