10/19/2026
October is Domestic violence awareness month, and since it's been 9 years and I finally feel safe enough, I think it's time I share my story.
TW
(Also, I am OKAY, I am thriving now)
At the age of 15 I met a boy turning 17. I had just recently ended my previous relationship of a year and a half, due to him cheating on me with my childhood best friend. So I was in a very vulnerable position. As with any teenage girl who isn't receiving the proper attention at home. Who had also already been previously assaulted on more than one occasion. I was searching for attention from someone. I just wanted to be loved, by anyone. So when this 17 year old boy, whom I'd never met but had seen and thought of as cute and mysterious, started giving me attention, I fell head over heels. In the beginning there were signs I was too naive to see, but he also played his role very well. He was kind, respectful to my parents and encouraged me to be myself. As he learned more about me and my childhood he slowly started to weaponize it against me. First with sly remarks or negative comments that reinforced my feelings of shame and despair. Then he would love bomb me and make me feel amazing, important and desired, but would always remind me "he was the only one capable of making me feel this way" and I started to believe it. By the time I was 17 I moved out with him, we were couch hoping and I ended up skipping over a month of my senior year. Landing me in legal trouble for the first time in my life. I was forced to move home to finish school, which I'm very proud to say I did. But after I immediately moved back out and we moved into a tent together. By this time the sexual abuse had already started and I was blind to it. There's was never a night I went to sleep without having to please him first, wether I could keep my eyes open or not. This eventually turned into him taking it while I was asleep. We eventually managed to get our first apartment together, and he proposed. I said yes, at this time he was like a god to me. I was obedient, loyal, happy to serve to avoid the stress. And there's was nothing bad you could say about him that I would have agreed with. 6months in that apartment and everything drastically declined. We had roommates in and out and I started making new friends and attempted to open up more. Even tried to stand up to him a few times, and that's when it got violent. He never hit me with his fists, at first. He would choke me, shove me, throw things and then cry. He was GREAT at making himself the victim of every situation. Too the point he even begged me to leave him after he hurt me because he wasn't worth saving, and I stayed because I didn't believe he deserved to be alone. I had empathy for him and what he had been through. We left that apartment after being robbed at gun point on Christmas eve, resulting in a friend being shot(he survived). After that we moved hundreds of miles away from everyone and everything we had ever known. Now he had me isolated, scared, obedient, and broken. He started drinking, heavily. We couldn't afford to pay our bills or rent or eat, but there was always b**r.. within the first year there he actually hit me. And that's when it all became real. I drew a line and stood my ground. Stated multiple times if it ever happened again, I would leave. It took 6 months, for 6 months I knew I wanted out, but I had nothing and no one. For 6 months I believed the only way that relationship would end was with one of us in a body bag. Most likely me. I was terrified, petrified, paralyzed. I was simply waiting for the end to come, then I stumbled upon another lost soul who made me feel seen. At 20 I met another boy, a friend of a friend, and for some unknown reason he made me want to feel alive again. So I decided to keep fighting for myself. On our 4 year anniversary it happened again, he bloody my nose and I stood my ground. It took a few days of planning and some negotiation but I left under the terms we needed some space, and I would return in a week. But it didn't take long for him to hack into my FB to figure out I was not planning on coming back and he showed up where I was and tried to put his hands on me again. Remember that friend of a friend, he helped me get out. He showed up where I was and offered me a safe space, I said yes. A week later he asked if I wanted to go home, he would help make that happen, or if I wanted to stay a rebuild a life here.
I could not be more happy to say that friend of a friend, is now my MAN, and BEST FRIEND of nine years and counting come December 🖤
So to conclude, if you're out there stuck right now and think you can't make it out... I promise YOU CAN.
And you will never be the same, BUT you will grow and love and learn and appreciate life itself again 🖤
Stay Strong and be aware. Listen to the warnings and the people in your life.
Above all else, learn how to love yourself first, not last.
