Mama Niela

01/15/2021

Feeling nostalgic for the sense of community I felt around 2019. I was pregnant that year and (in the photos here) and became friends I’ll love forever. Becca’s pregnancy group reminded me what a powerful witch I am and empowered me for the homebirth and postpartum of my dreams. helped us navigate pre and post birth with amazing no-nonsense workshops. When Elena was born, supported my home birth as a doula and and visited our little nest with the gift of massage and a compassionate ear. gave me the space to meet other mamas with babies Elena’s age and we attended the launch of new Highland Park location with high hopes to create and collaborate together. A few months post birth I resumed my commissioned photography work as well as the Mama Masterminds I hosted monthly at spaces like and . A group of mamas and babies began meeting at the park every Friday morning and started hosting a mama and baby group at her beautiful house. Needless to say, there was momentum and I liked where things were headed. For someone who often struggles with inertia, this was a time of deep fulfillment. I don’t know if I saw it as that then, but in retrospect I now know what I’m capable of. The kind of life I can create around me and what steps are needed to get there. It’s hard to remember now, as I see the days roll by at home without much to break up the routine. But those days where there and I remind myself they can come back. When the time is right. Missing everyone so much! ❤️

10/14/2020

New work for with beauties and shot here in our backyard woodsy wonderland 🌲

09/24/2020

Some thoughts on packing the essentials to evacuate from a fire. 〰️ I struggle with the idea of simplicity often. I find it the most useful in a world that’s saturated with distractions and pressure to achieve. Striving to live a simpler life has helped me shed so much over the years. But with a background in graphic design, I’ve trained my eye to see quality and style. Beauty in materials and color palettes comes at a cost and produces waste. What if I have a functional couch but it doesn’t feel good? What if my personal style has evolved? Or talk about smaller things: I don’t want blue plastic baskets that serve the purpose if they don’t match my neutral-toned aesthetic. Living in a beautiful space makes me happy — and lord knows happiness is worth investing on because life is hard as it is. But then a fire threatens to burn down your house, and you make the decision to evacuate because it’s better to be safe than sorry. And you can only bring with you the people that you love and whatever else will fit in your one-car-family, new suv. And thank god (and ) for a very timely car upgrade! And then you pack the car and it took some prioritizing. And you stand in front of your house and all that stuff you’ve bought. Stuff you once felt you needed but today is left behind to maybe burn. Not so important after all, huh?

09/16/2020

09/09/2020

A very serious self portrait directed by Amelie at night. Sitting here in worry for the firefighters and everyone (including us) who’s at risk today. So scary to receive a text message with an evacuation warning. Our new beautiful home 🙈

09/03/2020

The hardest part of schooling right now is having a toddler. Finding the space and allowing the time the 7-year-old needs while I quietly rush to fit as much as possible before the 1-year-old wakes up from a nap. Because once she wakes up I can barely handle the chaos of their opposing energies and needs.

We plan a well balanced day that includes work, school, creative projects, movement and sometimes even a nap ... and then watch it crumble in the face of a new sleep regression. Or some teething or other unexplainable reason why baby won’t nap. And try keeping a kid focused with a toddler playing or whining out loud around us!

The classroom shed is a wonderful floor space filled with markers and colors and books and all kinds of manipulatives for math and reading. A perfect space for a 7-year-old eager to learn through play. But allow a toddler inside and watch it fall into pieces. Art supplies thrown in the new pond, important papers crumbled everywhere, the pieces of a magnetic calendar nowhere to be found. It’s fascinating to see a toddler play with all these things. But what a disaster!

I’m learning to see the mess and not take it as a sign that I’m failing. To make adjustments without wanting to crawl back in bed. Some days are better than others. 7 years into it and at least now I’m not shocked by the habitual chaos — even if I’m still often overwhelmed in it.

09/01/2020

The framed ceramic to the left is my mom’s. She’s done all types of art through out the years. The walls of our home growing up were decorated with all of it. I love this one the most.

I really don’t like the carpet here. It has a slight blueish hue in my eyes. I’d much rather it was brown, or beige (!!) which would be a mess with small children. It has a layer of foam under it and it’s literally like walking on a cloud. Elena likes to run and fall at full speed on it. It’s amazing to see her laugh at herself every time she falls. It’s also terrifying to see how she throws herself near fireplace edges made of rock 🙈 Oh, and the carpet is brand new. Doesn’t it bother you when your new place got a brand new coat of a paint you hate? Or brand new, soft and cozy as cotton, carpet in blueish gray? Changing it would be so wasteful. Hard wood would be lovely but maybe hard and cold for winter. It seems this gray carpet — great at concealing dirt and soft for tiny knees — is just what this family needs for awhile ❤️

08/31/2020

How is she one already?! 🥰

08/27/2020

This little corner in the living room is all my Montessori dreams coming true 🥰

08/17/2020

“You’re so boring!” “I wish I was with daddy!” “All I do with you is learn, learn, learn.” “You don’t do anything I want!” Words she says that cut me. This 7-year-old lady is strong and passionate. She amazes me with her ideas, her heart and good humor. Her wild energy reminds me of myself. I too was (am) selfish. I too felt like every feeling was the end of the world. I still do! So often her darkness mirrors my own darkness. All I’m trying to hide or grow-out-of. So I take a deep breath and I say the words I myself need to hear: “I hear you. Is that how you feel right now? I love you and I promise this feeling will also pass.” “It’s ok to be bored. Let’s see where this boredom takes you!” “You miss daddy. He loves you so much. You’ll see him in x days.” I don’t list all the ways in which she’s had fun with me this week. All the things I do for her. I don’t tell her how those words break me. How they pull at just my biggest fear. That she’ll someday not want to come back. That she’ll want to stay with daddy and his funniness and all the Sprite for good. I find love for both of us ... deep in myself, and remember that her words mean she trusts me. I’m a safe place for darkness to come out. A bouncing board and a mirror. 🌿 She left last night and I MISS her! How can something (someone) be so triggering and difficult and also the best most amazing thing in life?

08/14/2020

I love a cake smash shoot more than many. I embrace the mess and the challenge to set expectations aside and let things be. It’s such a fun way to celebrate a first birthday. 7 years ago I tried one with Amelie but she didn’t like getting her hands dirty 🙅🏻‍♀️ and didn’t want anything to do with it. I’ve shot many since and it’s seriously my favorite. So happy to get my own baby cake smash with Elena! 🎂 Also, thank you .krisztina for bringing the most delicious cake for her! Elena ate every single strawberry and once there were no more, she got up and moved on. Good girl going for the fruit! 😂

08/13/2020

Daniela and her family at home 🥰 @ Los Angeles, California