01/02/2026
...Entering 2026 with open arms, an open heart, and an open door for you to show yourself out. I'm posting on FB this year with zero cares on if it reaches 3 people... or 8000. I will no longer bend to the FB rules on times or ways to post, and have it stress me out to where posting feels like a hassel. If my posts or photos reach people, that is amazing. If you want to share something I post, I really appreciate that time and care! Will I let it take me down anymore or stress over it??..... not a chance. So with that..... here is a long, drawn out post that is overly worded and not posted at the corrent "time." lol.
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Most years, I post about the events that were blessings or curses from the previous year. I explain the ups and the downs, and lay it all out on here. It allows me to not only create a thankful post to every one of you, but it usually gives me an outlet to pour my feelings onto "paper".
I have sat and wondered what I should write this year. If I should just stick to the gains from 2025... or list the losses. Honestly, 2025 was a year that shook us as a family, shook us as parents, and tested me as a wife and mother. I learned a lot about myself this past year, and reached the age of 40... which I never thought I'd see. Each time I looked in the mirror this past year, I'd see more silver hair shining and more age on my face. ... and by the end of the year, I felt pride in my reflection for both of those. 2025 wasn't a nice year... and the list of pros is slim. Most of them are just me explaining how we were able to get back up from the hit... and as thankful as I am for finding that strength......... that's simply just surviving.
It wasn't a year like others I've endured... with human death or broken hearts, and for that I will be grateful. Those years will stand as the years I never speak of again. .... However. Pain and heartbreak don't always come in the form of human loss.... and this year proved this to me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.
Defeated.... that's about the only singular word that I can manage to whip up for 2025. The amount of fake smiles I had to smear on my face... the amount of early morning crying that took place locked away in the bathroom on the floor... the amount of anger that built inside my soul because hard work does NOT always pay off.......... and then facing demons that try to convince your mind, that you are friendless and alone because you are unworthy of air.
Sometimes the day would only throw a thin piece of paper on top of the pile, some days an entire mountain. Without being able to move the mass off my chest, even the days with the flimsy sheet of paper felt like I was being suffocated and pinned down.
The evening of December 30th...... I sat alone and looked around. Even being grateful for everything that we have, it doesn't take away all of the anger and frustration that attacks you. I know HOW to get out of that feeling now for me personally... but sometimes you just need to sit and FEEL that in order to push forward. This year I learned that even when people try to take that from you... it's ok to sit and feel that anger sometimes. ..... but I get tired of people always trying to explain to those who are broken, "You just need to let it go to Jesus and youll be better", or... "you just need to be grateful for life always, and you will always live a grateful life."
I appreciate the words that try to "help..." .... but I think its getting a little too normalized for others to step in and not allow people to hurt or be angry when they are handed absolute s**t, without judgement or a timeline. I stand behind everyone in their religions, their comforts, and their fixes... as long as they aren't harmful to others. I support them, and I go above and beyond actually to make sure those are respected and understood even when I don't follow the same path. However, I do not usually get that same respect in return. Actually, that respect is barely EVER given back to me... and 2025 made me realize.... I'm pretty tired of that.
Can you imagine if I was to go on a profile of a friend, family member, or client... and in a post where they speak of Jesus or something that means more than this world to them..... just start smashing it all. Speaking of how their Jesus is NOT real. That the way they feel is only because they are not doing what "I" KNOW is the correct way to live life. Tearing apart everything they were expressing freely in their post about joy, pain, love, heartbreak..... and just making it about something else entirely? The amount of people that I would have at my home.... in my inbox.... with torches and death threats..... would be crazy.
Yet whenever I post of pain, frustration, or happiness.... the comments don't stop with support. They used to... they used to be said with a tone of "God is great. Praise Jesus. God is proud of you." or a post or comment filled with love and understanding about how their own paths and how they feel when it happens to them. Never TELLING me and never ever everrrrr saying how what they feel is THE ONLY WAY.
............................. But in 2025, we took a turn. My inbox would be thrown private messages, comments on my walls, texts, and even face to face convos with people.............. went more like this. "Your life would be so much better and pain free if you gave it all to Jesus, because when you do not, you will never find happiness. You are feeling heartache because you don't read your bible correctly. Or my favorite one of the year, "Maybe your daughter is so out of hand and horrible to you, because you don't take her to church."
Well'pe. Finally I got real sick of it. Church comments made by those who have kids doing things that I know of, that would make a ho**er blush. People TELLING me that I have to give it all to Jesus or I will never be happy, when they are some of the most depressed people I have ever met. People telling me about the bible who are going 'home' at night and not entering the bed of their spouseeee. 🫢
So, I simply started deleting comments like crazy. I just woke up one day and demanded different for myself. I demanded the same respect that I give.... period. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people comment in with their stand on their Lord to spread love and encouragement... I really do. I say this often but I have a cousin who is STRONG in her path... and do I follow it, no. Do I LOVE that she follows it, heck to the yes. It saved HER, and I am her number one fan. ..... Fun Fact guys, I actually study up on different religions/paths in my free time, and loveeeeee seeing what people find to follow and the whys. I actually have read and read and read in the bible... and my husband knows more about the bible cover to cover than anyone I have ever seen. And because it's such a topic that can't be talked about these days.... I stayed quiet. I just deleted the mean and the hate, the judgemental or the rude..... and pretended like it didn't take me down.
....... but with 2025..... came a trigger in my body, that doesn't give two s**ts anymore about what it might offend to the wrong people. Because bluntly.... If you can't understand what I mean by this, you are probably one of the 100 that threw me a nasty gram this year from your God. See, MY GOD... he doesn't write nasty grams, so I'm not scared anymore to post something about this, because we don't live under the same hands anyways.
Little off topic... but not really. It all goes hand in hand. (Just was a huge trigger for anger this year for me. lol)
2025 might have torn everything apart around me... but the facts are, we are still all standing surrounded by the broken pieces. 2025 gave me a year of s**t..... and..... it made me mad. It made me angry. It made me want to stomp and cry and become a toddler who was handed the blue cup. ........ and I think that's what I needed from it. I needed to have a year to get angry. I needed to feel like nothing I ever did made a difference. I needed to watch as everything I touched burst into flames or shattered to the ground.
Why? ....... Because in 2026...... it will be hard to phase me. In 2026, I will be able to push harder and try harder for my dreams, my family, and my passions. If they fail or they crumble around me.... it isn't anything I haven't dealt with before! I am starting from ground zero... and last I checked, there's only one way to go from here. I figure by summer of 2026, I will have so many broken-burnt-random pieces piled up all around me from failures..... that by fall...... I'm gonna use those pieces and build one of the biggest, strongest, most amazing things I've ever seen. Then, when that fails and that crashes around me.... I'll cry and be pi**ed.... then I'll build something even better. Because if this bs year has taught me anything........... it's how to stand back up no matter how many times they swing. ....And... I'll do it being supportive to those who support us, and spread kindness...... because all of those others who cast judgement and hatred, those got left behind and buried in 2025.
So my word for 2026 is "Intentional." Everything I do this year... everything I push for.... Everything I do not tolerate.
(Photo by Olesia Hnatkevych on Unsplash. I chose this image to post, because the simplicity.... the power and light that can be given from just one small flame........ its got 2026 written all over it.)
