08/13/2026
Self portraits have been the furthest thing from my mind for a while now. I have had not a shred of desire to step in front of the camera in a room by myself.
And it's been hard being ok with that feeling. Self portraits were what brought me back to photography during the pandemic. They were a wonderful creative outlet. I challenged myself to get better at lighting, build props and costume pieces with no real experience, and I just had fun with it all.
Now I don't feel a strong pull towards making myself the subject. And for a while, I worried that it was because I was losing my love for photography. Why did this part of it that used to be something I'd jump at the chance to do no longer excite me? It was disheartening. It felt like I was failing, and I couldn't understand why.
But I realized recently that it's not a falling out of love. It's the love shifting focus.
Instead of jumping at the chance to do a self portrait, I wanted to make someone else the subject. I wanted to take theater production photos. I wanted to promote someone's small business. I wanted to help create a memory for someone else to keep forever. I wanted to brainstorm creative ideas with other people. I wanted to continue making and sharing my work, but instead of limiting it to just photographing myself in my living room and posting to an algorithm that isn't even the same algorithm from 6 years ago, I wanted to discard my introverted tendencies and collaborate to make someone's vision come to life.
So no... it's not falling out of love with photography. It's growing. It's adapting to something bigger. It's continued curiousity and willingness to learn. Growth feels uncomfortable. But a sprout pushing itself out of the dirt and darkness doesn't do so without effort.
Here's to growth, especially the slow, introspective kind that feels wrong in a world that never slows down. Let the world have its speediness. I'd rather be a sprout. 🌱
