05/25/2024
Posting this as public hoping a very specific person takes the time to read it. You know who you are.
What is family? Websters defines family as “all of the descendants of a common ancestor”. Using that definition, you and I are family. You make not like me. You may not agree with me. Hell, you may even hate me but that does not make us any more or less family. We are related by blood. Period. You father is my brother. You are my Neice, and your children are my relatives. Now, is that the end of the story, nope. Not by a long shot.
I love you and I always have. Even when I was mad at you, even when I thought you were making a huge mistake by taking your small children away from the only family they knew, even when YOU were mad at me, even when you were screaming at me on the phone. I still loved you through all that bu****it and as hard as you may want to try, you cannot change that. You can dislike me, you can curse me, you can hate me, you can continue to tell your kids that we are not related but the one thing you cannot do, is make me stop loving you. No matter what - I am still your family. I am not “fake family”. I will love you until my last day.
I am, we are, all family. Connected by blood, by shared experiences, by history. Like it or not. We are. So you can tell everyone you know that you don’t know me and that I am not related to you, but when it comes down to it, I am still your Aunt, my brother Michael, is still the man who gave you half your DNA, and all of the other people who make up your “fake family” still all share a common ancestor with you. I can’t say that my brother was a good father, but I can say that until his dying day he loved all three of his girls. He just didn’t know how to be a Dad or how to show it.
Answer me this - what happened to that girl I met at 19 who had the world at her fingertips?You were so full of life, of promise, of ideas, of things you wanted to accomplish. You were brash, confident, and you were ready to take the bull by the horns. I haven’t seen you or spoken to you for years, but from what I have heard, that girl is lost. Now you are just sad, mean, and angry.
The life we have is a complication of the decisions, the choices, the experiences that we have made throughout the years from the time we become self aware (usually at age 4 or 5), until we are returned to Mother Earth on our death. If you are you are so unhappy with your own life, then do something about it.
Stop making everyone around you miserable. Stop expecting your kids to support you financially. Let them live their own lives just like you expected your Mom to let you live yours. Suck it up and act like an adult, like a parent. Let them spread their wings and fly. If that means you have to live in a smaller house or to get a roommate, do it but for the love of God, let your kid have a life that doesn’t revolve around you and your misery.
You need to stop, and look inside at yourself. You have so much life left. So much to give and so many gifts and talents to share. It’s all still inside you if you could just get over the anger you are keeping locked away.
It is a sad thing that you have let that anger make you miss one of the most important days in your daughters life. Don’t think that she doesn’t have “real” family there because she does. She has her dads family. She has her great Uncle who also loves her dearly. What she doesn’t have there is her Mom. How sad is that? All because you could not put your big girl panties on, and get yourself there. It is not her responsibility to figure out how to get you there. You are the parent. You had a year to plan that. Don’t blame someone else for your lack of planning or action. When the years go by, and all of the bu****it is forgotten, what will remain are the photos of her wedding day that show who was there.
And everyone will wonder why you were not there. 20 years from now any explanation will not be adequate enough to make people understand why you made this choice.
You have not always been delt the best of hands, but as Grandpa used to say “it’s not the cards life deals you, it’s how you deal with the cards.” Stop acting like a victim.
Deal with your cards and move forward with your life. There are so many people who love you and would do anything they could to help you. I personally know two who live in Kansas.
And don’t forget - Like it or not, I do love you. We both love you.
Hoping that one day that I get to see that 19 year old brash, confident, beautiful girl and that she finds her way back out of the darkness.
Try to help her find her way. Your kids need her but most of all, YOU need her.
Good luck
